I realized I still hadn’t given Sendai-san her skirt back.

         I noticed in the changing room of the bathroom, but there was no way I was going back to her room now. I stripped off my clothes and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

         There wasn’t a single mark on my skin—proof that Sendai-san had listened to me.

         I touched my neck.

         There shouldn’t have been anything left behind, yet it still felt like there might be a mark there. Not just my neck—every place her lips had touched felt like something was still there, and even if I wanted to think about something else, I couldn’t.

         Her voice. Her breathing. The feel of her hands.

         Everything from just moments ago lingered in my head, consuming my thoughts. For hours—no, days. A week, or maybe longer. However long it was, I knew I’d be thinking only of her, and I hated it. I didn’t want her in my head, intruding on my thoughts. I knew what was going to happen if I let Sendai-san do whatever she wanted to me, but no one told me it would take over my mind completely like this.

         I let out a slow breath, pulled off my underwear, and stepped into the bathing room.

         Noticing the tub was empty, I turned on the shower.

         「That’s cold—」

         Water had come out of the spout, so I hurried to stop it from wetting my feet. Even if it was hot for May, I wasn’t planning on taking a cold shower. Cooling my head might not have been a bad idea, but the heat had already left my body and my breathing was steady again.

         Everything’s fine.

         I’m fine.

         I quietly inhaled and exhaled.

         Today wasn’t like the last day of summer vacation—a day with any special meaning. It might have been worth remembering, but unlike last summer, I probably wouldn’t be able to remember the exact date.

         Still, there was no excuse for what happened today.

         That summer day could’ve been chalked up to a whim or the heat of the moment, and before winter break, when she’d seen my chest, that had been the result of our deal for her to help me study. I could even come up with an excuse for when I touched Sendai-san myself during winter break, too.

         But today was different. It hadn’t happened on a whim, and we hadn’t made any trades either. I knew what was going to happen and chose not to refuse. I knew what she was about to do, and still let her do it anyway.

         I wasn’t completely satisfied with what happened, but I accepted it because it was my own decision.

         What caught me off guard was… myself.

         I didn’t think I’d make those kinds of sounds, or that my body would react like that.

         And…

         I didn’t think it would feel that good.

         I thought I knew myself, but apparently I didn’t.

         I turned on the water, tested it, and waited until it was just right before running it over my body.

         I’d never done anything like this with anyone else, so I couldn’t tell if it would feel the same with someone else. But I’m sure—probably—it felt good because it was Sendai-san. And that’s something I wish I’d never found out.

         When I first started paying her five-thousand-yen for her time, we’d promised we wouldn’t have sex. I wasn’t sure if what we did today counted as sex, but we’d definitely crossed a line. If I’d known I’d react the way I did, I would have never agreed to let her do whatever she wanted.

         I had thought maybe someday I might’ve allowed something like this to happen, but it wasn’t supposed to be today. And yet, when she said she’d never do anything like this again if I didn’t agree, and swore on my earring, my resolve wavered.

         「… What am I going to do tomorrow?」

         I shut off the water.

         Sendai-san now knew exactly how I reacted to her touch.

         Of course she did—she was the one touching me.

         I was the one who created the opportunity, but I didn’t want her to know I’d react like that. If I could erase her memories, I would, but I didn’t have that kind of magic.

         Since we lived together, I couldn’t avoid her forever, even if I tried to change my schedule around. And it wasn’t like I never wanted to see her again.

         「… This is the worst.」

         The way she said my name earlier was nothing like how a roommate should. Each time her voice grazed my ear, it sent a shiver through me, so much that I had to stop her. Yet I still wanted to hear it again, though that would mean reliving everything we’d done today.

         — No way.

         I couldn’t imagine showing her that side of me again.

         I also wanted to know what kind of sounds she’d make if I touched her, but I doubted she’d just let me.

         The thoughts racing through my head weren’t normal. I wasn’t in my right mind. I didn’t even know what kind of face I was supposed to make when I saw her tomorrow. I was starting to wish tomorrow would never come.

         「You’re so stupid, Sendai-san. You’re an idiot. A total idiot!」

         You were the one who said we were just roommates.

         That’s what she’d called us on graduation day. Ever since we moved in together, she’d been nothing but my roommate, and things were supposed to stay that way for the next four years. But what happened today wasn’t something roommates did.

         I couldn’t imagine how today would change our relationship.

         The word “roommate” was like a ticket that let us live together for four years. If that word disappeared, it felt like this lifestyle of ours would end before the four years were even up.

         I’d be fine if she wasn’t around anymore, but if she wasn’t, I’d end up thinking of her all the time.

         I’d find myself wanting to know everything I’d have no way of knowing.

         She was on my mind even when she was here. If she were gone, I wouldn’t know what to do. That’s why, even though we should’ve ended things on graduation day, I chose to keep going. But I didn’t know how to handle these thoughts.

         I washed my body, put on my sweats, and left the changing room.

         She wasn’t in the shared living space.

         I poured myself a glass of barley tea and took it to my room.

         After drinking half, I moved the black cat from the bookshelf to my bedside and laid down.

         Sendai-san was on the other side of the wall.

         I wondered what she was thinking right now.

         Today, we both discovered something new about each other—a side of her I hadn’t seen before, and a side of me I didn’t even know existed.

         I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing that I’d gotten to know this side of Sendai-san, though. Maybe it was something I’d regret later, or maybe I wouldn’t. Right now, I couldn’t imagine anything ahead of me.

         But what I couldn’t stand was that I was the only one feeling embarrassed. It felt like I was the only one left with these emotions.

         I pressed my lips to the black cat’s forehead.

         I hate this.

         I didn’t want to think about her this much.

         I’d rather be thinking about school, or Maika, or anything else. But at the same time, I felt oddly unsatisfied now that the warmth from before was gone.

         This wasn’t like me at all.

         I wasn’t planning on falling asleep yet, but I squeezed my eyes shut.

         Naturally, she appeared in my mind, and I let out a quiet sigh.

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