Even the days that felt special eventually got buried under the weight of time. I’d tucked the memory of that day away, somewhere it wouldn’t stand out in my heart, and because of that, I was able to spend my days with Miyagi as if nothing had changed.

         I couldn’t say I was entirely satisfied with the way our days repeated, one indistinguishable from the next. But living like that was bringing our relationship closer to what it had once been.

         Not every day was exactly the same, though.

         「Sensei, are you having fun in university?」

         Hanamaki-san, who had been doing her homework, looked up at me and asked.

         「Well, kind of. What about you, Hanamaki-san? Are you having fun at school?」

         I wasn’t sure how well I was doing as a private tutor, but I’d gotten used to this job and being called “sensei.” I’d also learned how to interact with Hanamaki-san, so I wasn’t as nervous as I had been when I first started. While I tried to stay the same at home, I was changing as a private tutor.

         「I am. It almost makes me want to stay in middle school forever.」

         Hanamaki-san sighed dramatically, saying something inappropriate for a student about to take entrance exams.

         「I really wish I could stay in middle school forever. The people in my class are a lot of fun.」

         「Well, who knows? You might find high school pretty fun too.」

         「Did you have fun during high school, sensei?」

         I hadn’t gotten into the high school I was aiming for.

         So I’d tried to make the most of my high school life—playing it smart, aiming for a decent experience—and for the most part, I had. But those days were very unremarkable.

         That changed when I ended up spending nearly half of my high school days with Miyagi.

         「I guess I had fun towards the end.」

         「Only towards the end? Are you saying it wasn’t fun along the way?」

         「Oh, it was, so I’m sure you’ll have fun during high school too, Hanamaki-san.」

         I said with a smile.

         「I know that, but you know, I still like the way things are right now.」

         Hanamaki-san sighed before continuing.

         「So, what did you find fun in high school, sensei?」

         Hanamaki-san wasn’t the type to get overly excited or talk too much, but she liked to chat. Whenever she started asking questions, it felt like there was no end to the conversation. She was a stark contrast to Miyagi, who always preferred to stay quiet.

         「Hmm, let me think…」

         It was hard to answer her question, so I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t mention what I did with Miyagi, and even if I did, it didn’t sound like something most people would find fun.

         「Oh, is it because you had a lover?」

         Hanamaki-san’s voice was filled with curiosity, and Miyagi’s face immediately came to mind. But I quickly shooed the thought away and forced a smile.

         「Oh, I get it now. The reason why you find middle school so fun is because you have a lover, don’t you, Hanamaki-san?」

         「I don’t have anyone like that.」

         Hanamaki-san replied immediately.

         「I see. Well, if you do end up finding a partner, be sure to let me know, okay?」

         Chatting was a good way to take a break and lighten the mood. A quick chat in the middle of studying helped her concentrate better in the long run. Normally, I’d indulge her with more conversation, but I didn’t want to keep this topic going.

         「Shall we get back to studying, then?」

         I said, cutting the conversation short.

         Hanamaki-san replied with, “Okay,” and lowered her gaze to her notebook. Her pencil moved across the white paper.

         As usual, I helped her with her studies until my shift was over and left Hanamaki-san’s house. I walked to the train station, boarded the train home, and recalled the conversation I’d had with her earlier.

         The word “lover” didn’t apply to Miyagi when we were in high school, and it still didn’t now. I had no idea if it would ever apply to us in the future.

         I didn’t want to use my feelings as an excuse for what we did that Sunday. But now, I had no idea when I would tell her how I felt. Whether I said it today or tomorrow, telling her I loved her would just make it seem like I was trying to gloss over the past.

         I couldn’t see a future where my feelings could be properly conveyed to her. The word “lover” seemed so far away. Right now, more than becoming lovers with Miyagi, what mattered was holding on to the relationship we had built so far.

         Each passing minute made me feel more timid, and it made me realize just how much I’d lose by speaking up.

         The train stopped at a station, then moved again. The same routine repeated as I got closer to my destination.

         But where were Miyagi and I headed? I had no idea if we were even going in the same direction.

         I got off the train, headed home under the streetlights, climbed the stairs, and opened the front door. Miyagi’s shoes were by the entrance. I walked into the shared living space and saw a piece of paper on the table.

         『There’s pudding in the refrigerator.』

         I looked in the fridge and saw two cups of pudding. Instead of grabbing one, I took out some vegetables and pork and stir-fried them. After a simple dinner, I walked over to Miyagi’s bedroom.

         I knocked on her door three times, and after a brief moment, Miyagi opened it, sticking her head out.

         「Welcome home. Did you eat the pudding?」

         「I’m back. I was just about to eat it, so I thought I’d come and get you.」

         Miyagi came out of her room and sat down in her chair. I brought the two cups of pudding from the fridge along with two spoons and took a seat.

         「Let’s eat.」

         We both said in unison.

         I peeled the lid off, scooped up some pudding with my spoon, and tasted it. The firm pudding was sweeter than I’d expected. I looked at Miyagi, who was slowly digging into hers with a spoon. She seemed in a good mood, probably because of how good the pudding tasted.

         Being together like this, I could tell Miyagi didn’t hate me. But that didn’t mean she liked me either. Miyagi always had a hard time believing what I said. Even if I told her how I felt, she might not believe me despite what we’d done that Sunday.

         It seemed incredibly difficult just to get Miyagi to believe me, and I felt she’d instantly turn me down if I asked her to be in a relationship with me. Even now, if I pointed out that she seemed happy, she’d probably deny it.

         Miyagi was like a wary stray cat who hated change. Adding “love” into the mix could destroy everything between us, and if I told her how I felt now, it could end our relationship completely.

         We would probably no longer be roommates, and Miyagi would vanish from my life.

         And if that were to happen… then it was best to just not say anything at all.

         As long as we continued living like this, repeating one day after another, I could still touch Miyagi, even as just roommates. Our relationship wouldn’t change, and I wouldn’t lose anything either.

         Even if I felt unsatisfied, I could recall our memories together, and that would be enough. The word “lover” wasn’t something I should risk everything to attain.

         I put another spoonful of pudding in my mouth and swallowed before speaking.

         「Where’d you buy this pudding from?」

         「Just from the nearby convenience store.」

         「I want some almond tofu next time.」

         「Then go get some yourself.」

         「You’re so stingy, Miyagi.」

         If I were to confess my feelings to her, we wouldn’t be able to talk like this anymore.

         I was happy enough with just this.

         We continued our meaningless conversation as we finished our pudding cups.

         As the conversation began to lull, I stood up and walked over to Miyagi. I ran my fingers through her hair, my hand brushing against her ear. She shifted slightly, as if ticklish, and clutched at my clothes.

         I traced her ear with my finger and eventually touched something firm. It was shaped like a small flower, and touching it made me feel like I was someone special to Miyagi. I didn’t mind if I was the only one who felt that way.

         I pressed my lips against her cheek, gave her a gentle peck, and pulled away.

         As long as nothing changed between us, I could even kiss her.

         I traced her lips with my thumb.

         Miyagi pulled back a little, then looked up at me.

         Our eyes met.

         I curled my hand into a fist. My heart raced as if it might explode before I could even kiss her.

         I closed my eyes and brought my lips to hers.

         It only lasted a moment before I pulled away.

         「Sendai-san, buy us something other than pudding tomorrow.」

         Miyagi said, letting go of the clothes she was holding.

         「Okay.」

         I could endure this for a little longer.

         What mattered most was that Miyagi was still here with me.

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