Even though Miyagi had tried to stop me, in the end, I was the one who couldn’t hold back.

          I didn’t need to be thinking clearly to know I’d been acting strange today.

          It was absurd of me to call Miyagi out and then force a kiss on her.

          But I didn’t regret it.

          Besides, Miyagi didn’t run, so she was just as much at fault. We were no different, and I had no doubt she wanted to kiss me too.

          ―― Wow, what a ridiculous lie.

          All Miyagi did was let me kiss her. I was the one who forced it on her. If I hadn’t done that, things wouldn’t have spiraled the way they did. I knew I was just fooling myself. I understood that perfectly well. Yet, the fact that I was still thinking about kissing her, even after everything that happened, made me feel like I deserved to sink to the bottom of hell.

          I sighed so deeply it felt like I was deflating my brain. Even then, I kept sighing, as if I could empty my lungs completely, and collapsed onto my bed.

          A short-sleeved blouse hung from a hanger on the wall of my room—it was Miyagi’s. It had been there for so long, it felt like part of the room now.

          「I should put that away.」

          I stood up and folded the blouse, shoving it into my drawer next to the long-sleeved shirt Miyagi had given me—or more accurately, forced on me. The things Miyagi had given me were gradually piling up, slowly taking over my room. Even the five-thousand yen bills tucked away in my piggy bank were from her. It felt like, even after graduation, plenty of traces of her would still be left behind.

          I could’ve easily spent the five-thousand-yen bills and thrown the clothes I’d gotten from her away.

          I knew those options were open to me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do what anyone else in my shoes would’ve done.

          I couldn’t even resist the urge to kiss her. Whenever it came to anything related to Miyagi, even the most trivial tasks felt insurmountable and often ended in disaster.

          As yet another heavy sigh escaped me, I heard my phone chime from the desk.

          ‘It’s probably just Umina,’ I thought, and when I checked, sure enough, her messages lit up the screen. They were cheerful and lively, saying things like, “Today was fun!” and “We should check out other schools’ cultural festivals too!” Not in the mood to write a proper response, I quickly replied with, “I agree,” then tossed my phone onto the bed and sat down at my desk.

          The timing wasn’t great, given that the cultural festival had just ended, but midterms were about to come up in less than two weeks. As long as nothing major came up, my grades were good enough for the school I was aiming for; I just needed to maintain them. Still, that didn’t mean I could afford to slack off in my studies.

          I had no intention of changing my school of choice this late in the process.

          But Miyagi’s words were bothering me.

          “You should just stay here, Sendai-san.”

          I could tell she was being serious, but it didn’t sound like something Miyagi would say. More importantly, those words carried too much weight to be said lightly.

          But if I chose to stay here, my relationship with Miyagi might not have to end after graduation.

          Or at least, that was what I wanted to believe, but I doubted it would turn out that way.

          The thought of changing my university choice and staying here was something I had never considered, and I couldn’t imagine going through with it. There was no point in attending university if it meant being stuck at home. No matter which university I chose, my parents would support me until graduation, so I wanted to attend one far away enough to escape my current life.

           Plus, even if I chose to stay here, I couldn’t picture a future where Miyagi walked alongside me.

          Knowing her, she’d stubbornly cling to the rules and end our relationship the moment we graduated. And even if she didn’t enforce it, I could easily see her saying, “No, absolutely not,” if I tried to invite her to be by my side, just as she had done earlier today.

          I held up my right hand, watching the light shine through it.

          I had been half-serious when I asked Miyagi if she wanted to hold hands earlier.

          ‘If you’re scared, we can hold hands,’ was what I thought, but what I really wanted was to take Miyagi—who had been quietly trailing behind me—by the hand and walk side-by-side with her.

          I clenched my fist that I had raised, then let it go.

          Just a little over a month ago, I had no desire to hold Miyagi’s hand.

          I certainly hadn’t wanted to on that day we bumped into each other at school.

          Sure, there were moments I felt the urge to touch her, but that was the extent of it.

          Today, though, felt different; today, I really wanted to hold Miyagi’s hand.

          Ever since I met Miyagi, each day felt like I was letting go of a bit more of who I used to be. Because of this, I couldn’t help but feel disheartened, unsure of what tomorrow might hold.

          The hand in front of me was just an ordinary hand, not much different from Miyagi’s. It might have been slightly larger due to my height, but otherwise, it was unremarkable. My hand hadn’t changed in the past month, yet now it longed to hold Miyagi’s. It felt as if, even if it were to detach from my body, it would somehow find its way to her.

          If we were to think solely about the act of holding hands, I had no trouble doing so with Umina or Mariko. I could easily hold their hands whenever I wanted and for as long as I liked. I could probably hold hands with other people, too. In fact, I could hold hands with just about anyone, but there was only a limited number of people I wanted to hold hands with.

          Whenever I heard the term ‘limited,’ like in ‘limited stock’ or ‘limited-time offer,’ I thought of it as something rare and exciting. But it’s a problem that everything in my life is becoming ‘limited’ to Miyagi; it restricts me too much.

          The only time I could accept being restricted by Miyagi was whenever we were together after school.

          That aside, considering we’d already kissed and came close to doing even more, it felt strange to suddenly want to hold hands, as if we were doing things backwards.

          I lowered my hand and let out another sigh.

          Holding hands wasn’t necessary—I could live without it.

          What I couldn’t guarantee was that I wouldn’t kiss her again.

          「This is all Miyagi’s fault.」

          Today, I realized that if I told her I wanted to kiss her, Miyagi would let me, even if reluctantly. I was sure if I said it again, she’d allow it again. With that in mind, I couldn’t confidently say I wouldn’t repeat what happened today. Part of me even started thinking that if things were going to end at graduation anyway, there was no reason to keep forcing myself to hold back.

          But I knew that no matter how much she insisted we weren’t friends, it didn’t mean I could just do whatever I wanted.

          I must have lost one of the screws that held my rationality together somewhere in the music preparation room. But more troubling was that I had no intention of returning to look for it or replace it.

          「Well, for now, I guess I should start studying for the exams.」

          It didn’t matter how much time I spent thinking about Miyagi; I’d never figure out what the right relationship with her should be. Right now, it made more sense to focus on studying for the midterms, where every question had a right answer.

          I needed something to occupy my mind anyway.

          I opened my textbook and notebook on the desk, ignoring the notifications coming in from my phone on the bed as I kept my gaze fixed on the pages before me.

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