This chapter contains sensitive content (potentially TW: dubious consent). Please shy away if it makes you uncomfortable. You have been advised.
“I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
Sendai-san still hadn’t broken that promise she’d sworn on my earrings.
But it felt like she was right on the verge of doing so.
If I told her why I didn’t want to do these kinds of things with her, she would definitely keep her promise.
But I didn’t have a strong enough reason—nothing that would convince her to stop.
She was the one who told me to “come up with a reason,” and I could make one up if I really wanted to.
But right now, I couldn’t think of anything that would actually make her stop.
「So, Miyagi? What’s your reason?」
Before I could come up with anything, Sendai-san pressed me for an answer.
「… Sendai-san, you said we don’t need a reason to kiss each other, right? So I don’t need a reason to not want this either.」
I said, knowing she probably wouldn’t accept it.
「That excuse isn’t going to stop me, you know?」
Sendai-san said as she stroked my arm that was peeking out from under my T-shirt.
Her soft hand traced along my skin, sliding up toward my upper arm.
「So, can I do it then?」
Sendai-san asked in a gentle voice, but she clearly had no intention of waiting for my answer. She pressed her lips against my neck, pulling away only to return again. The hand that had been stroking my upper arm slipped under the hem of my T-shirt before I even had the chance to stop it.
Her fingertips slid up my side, and she gently bit my neck.
This wasn’t good.
I knew I shouldn’t let her continue, but the hand sliding under my T-shirt and the heat of her lips against my skin made it hard to think. I couldn’t come up with a single reason that would make her stop like this.
The hand that had been tracing my side now rested on my breast.
I didn’t want Sendai-san to see my face, and for a moment, I thought about pulling her closer.
The room was too bright.
It would show her everything I didn’t want her to see.
I wanted to turn off the lights, but I doubted Sendai-san would do it if I asked, and I couldn’t move to do it myself. My only other choice was to draw her closer, to block her view—but if I did, it would look like I was giving her permission to continue.
The hand resting on my breast began to move slowly.
Her fingertips traced the outline as if to feel its shape, then she started to caress it softly. Her hand that had been moving slowly reached the center of my breast and stopped, and I couldn’t help but flinch.
My body was now reacting the same way hers had when I’d touched her like this before.
I knew she must have realized exactly what I was feeling, but I didn’t want her to know, so I caught her hand over my clothes.
She resisted when I tried to pull it away. Instead, she pressed her hand firmly against my breast, making it impossible to hide what was beneath her palm, and my cheeks flushed with heat.
I averted my eyes from Sendai-san.
「Stop it.」
I couldn’t see what kind of expression she had on her face right now.
「So, what’s your reason?」
She asked in a gentle voice, but I had no answer for her.
She leaned in and bit my ear.
The breath she released against it stole the strength from my body, leaving me unable to push her away.
「If you can’t say it, then just let this happen.」
She whispered into my ear, draining the rest of the strength from me.
The hand I had been holding down slipped free and began moving as it pleased over my breast. She stroked the part that had clearly swelled. The place she was touching tingled, as though she were sending an electric current through me.
I bit down hard on my lip.
I wanted to stop her hand, but all of my attention kept being pulled toward where her fingers touched me. A feeling I didn’t want to put into words began to form. The room should have been cool with the air conditioner running, yet it felt unbearably hot, and my breathing turned uneven.
「Doesn’t this feel good?」
Sendai-san was trying to drag out the emotions I was desperately trying to look away from, and I wanted to deny her immediately.
But if I opened my mouth, I felt like I would make a sound I didn’t want her to hear, so I kept it shut.
「Tell me, Miyagi.」
The hand roaming across my breast and the whispering voice at my ear jumbled my thoughts.
At some point, Sendai-san’s hand had become something that could so easily destroy my sense of reason. The wall that was meant to keep her out kept crumbling, and she slipped through the gaps. It terrified me—I wanted to run, yet it felt good, and that frightened me even more. If I didn’t pull my shattered sense of reason back together, I felt like I’d lose who I was.
And if I were to lose the part of me that kept myself safe, I’d be too afraid to stay by Sendai-san’s side anymore.
So I picked up the shattered pieces of my reason, one by one, and tried to put myself back together.
I held my breath and let out a small exhale.
Then I grabbed Sendai-san’s hand over my clothes.
I looked into her eyes and quietly spoke, mustering what was left of my reason.
「… I don’t want this.」
「If you don’t want it, then give me a reason already.」
I met Sendai-san’s gaze.
Her eyes were neither warm nor cold as they stared straight into mine.
「It’s too bright, and you can see everything.」
I glared at her as I tore her hand away from my body and pulled it out from under my clothes.
「But I want to see every part of you, Miyagi.」
「I don’t want to be seen, though.」
「So that’s your only reason?」
I knew it wasn’t enough to stop her, but I couldn’t think of anything else.
As I fell silent, Sendai-san took my hand.
「If you’re that embarrassed about being seen, then just cover my eyes.」
She guided my hand up to block her vision and added, “Like this. Now I can’t see anything.”
「That’s not the point.」
I said firmly, trying to pull my hand back.
But she didn’t let go. Instead, she held on and pulled back even harder.
「So you just don’t like being the only one getting touched, then? If that’s the case, I don’t mind you touching me too.」
She said, pressing my hand against her breast.
I could feel her warmth through her T-shirt.
Just touching her over the fabric felt like it wasn’t enough.
I wanted to touch her more, just like that time I’d done this to her—
No. I can’t.
Sendai-san was trying to mislead me.
This wasn’t about me not wanting to be the only one being touched.
We’d been talking about something else entirely—and yet what she was doing now only made me want to touch her even more.
「See? Now things are equal between us.」
「No, they’re not.」
「Miyagi, if you want to touch me directly, you can. As long as I can touch you too.」
Sendai-san guided my hand under her T-shirt, and I felt myself being misled by her again. My hand was placed beneath her breast, and I couldn’t piece my crumbling sense of reason back together in time. The warmth against my palm felt so good, I slid my other hand around her back. As I traced her smooth skin and let my fingers wander upward, they brushed against the clasp of her bra.
“You can undo it if you want,” she said.
My heart pounded so loudly it felt like it had grown to twice its size.
I unhooked her bra and touched her chest directly.
My past self began to overlap with the present. Back then, I’d regretted turning the lights off. I’d wanted to see what kind of expression Sendai-san wore when I touched her.
But now, I could see her face clearly.
「Sendai-san.」
I called her name, and she looked at me.
「Miyagi.」
Her cheeks were flushed, her lips slightly parted as she spoke my name. Her hands began to move, touching me in return.
Her fingertips traced the curve of my breast, and her palm pressed against it as if to learn its shape. Her hand, hot against my skin, felt like it might never leave. But my body burned even hotter, and a quiet breath escaped me.
My breathing turned uneven. I wanted Sendai-san even more, so I slipped my arm around her back and pulled her close. Her lips found my neck, and she licked me there.
In the back of my mind, I clung to the last pieces of reason I’d pushed aside.
I was the one who’d pulled her close, but I knew I had to stop her.
I needed to find a reason to stop her hands from exploring more of my body—but the heat between us swallowed every thought. My emotions followed wherever her hands led.
As what reason I had left began to fade beneath my fingers, I came face-to-face with something I hadn’t wanted to see.
It was something I’d ignored all this time.
Something trying to surface from deep within my heart—somewhere even I couldn’t reach.
I had always looked away from it, covering it, hiding it from the sunlight, returning it to the soil before the sprout could break through.
But whatever it was—even if I spoke it aloud—it still wouldn’t be enough to stop her.
Sendai-san’s hand slid down my side.
Not knowing what else to do, I called out to her.
「Is this… only for today?」
「What do you mean, “only for today”?」
「Doing things like this… is it just for today?」
「I want us to keep doing things like this from now on, too.」
She said, and I caught her hand, pressing it against my hipbone.
「This isn’t… just being roommates anymore.」
If we kept doing this—
Just like her hand that was clinging to my hipbone, I felt like I’d never be able to let go of Sendai-san again. And if we were to stick together tightly, I knew that being pulled apart would hurt terribly.
And I didn’t think I could bear with that pain.
「… Miyagi, do you not want to be anything other than roommates?」
Even though I wanted things to stay the same between us, Sendai-san wanted us to change.
Into something that wasn’t just roommates.
Into something new.
I understood that we couldn’t stay the same forever.
But I couldn’t keep up with her pace.
「… Stay roommates with me a little longer.」
I’d only just gotten used to being her roommate. If things changed again now, I wouldn’t know what to do. I couldn’t walk at the same speed as Sendai-san.
I kept having to stop and force my feet forward little by little, moving so slowly I couldn’t even tell if I was making any progress at all.
If she kept walking too far ahead, I would want to give up chasing after her altogether as she grew farther and farther away.
I didn’t want Sendai-san to leave.
So I wished she would walk just a little slower.
「Sendai-san.」
I grabbed onto her clothes.
She let out a small sigh.
「Okay. We can stay roommates for now, so I’ll stop here for today.」
Sendai-san pulled her hand away from my body.
Then she looked at me.
「So praise me, Miyagi.」
Her voice sounded fragile, so I reached out and gently stroked her hair.
「… Thank you.」
I doubted those were the words she wanted, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
I combed through her long, loose hair as I stared at her.
「That doesn’t really sound like praise, but… oh well, it’s fine.」
She said in her usual tone, then sat up and began fixing her rumpled clothes.
I turned away and refastened my bra clasp.
「I’m going back to my room tonight.」
I turned around when I heard her voice behind me.
「I thought we were having a sleepover.」
The words slipped out before I could stop them, and Sendai-san spoke with a troubled look on her face.
「… Miyagi, do you enjoy testing my self-control or something?」
「No, but you’re the one who made me a promise and swore it on my earrings, and you’re the one who suggested the sleepover in the first place.」
I knew I was being selfish.
But I still wanted her to stay with me.
If I let her do anything she wanted, I felt like everything between us would change—and that terrified me.
But the thought of her leaving my side scared me just as much.
「Sendai-san.」
Just as she was about to leave, I tugged on her T-shirt.
She still didn’t stop, so I pulled harder. The fabric stretched with a snap, and Sendai-san fell backward onto the floor with a soft thud.
「Miyagi. I’m not lying when I say I’ll wait, but I don’t think I can wait forever. I’ve realized that at this point, I really can’t keep myself together anymore.」
「Don’t give up yet.」
「Don’t worry, I’ll behave and just go to sleep tonight.」
「You’re not staying up?」
「No. I’m going to sleep. You can stay awake if you want.」
Sendai-san said, so I let go of her T-shirt. Then she climbed right into my bed.
「Hey, that’s my bed.」
「You’re not going to tell me to sleep on the floor after you dragged me back here, are you?」
She smiled and handed me the tablet that had been on the bed, and I had no choice but to take it and set it on the table.
I let out a small sigh, and without warning, she turned the lights off, leaving the room completely dark.
「Are you staying up, Miyagi?」
「No, I’ll sleep too.」
I pushed Sendai-san toward the wall side of the bed and lay down with my back to her.
The moment I closed my eyes, she wrapped her arms around me, pressing her body against mine with no space left between us.
I could feel the softness of her chest and the rhythm of her breathing against my back.
It was comfortable, yet uncomfortable at the same time.
Those contradictory feelings mixed together, and I wanted to complain to her, but before I could say anything, Sendai-san whispered,
「At least let me have this much as a reward for holding myself back.」
She was pushy, but gentle—and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to her.
I had no idea what would happen to us in the future.
I found myself wishing this moment could last forever.
But because nothing ever stayed the same, I wanted to depend on Sendai-san’s kindness now and feel her warmth beside me for as long as I could.
I held the hand she had wrapped around me.
May tomorrow be a continuation of today.
As I made that small wish, I closed my eyes.
Ave Lilium Translations 