Miyagi’s room was warmer than usual—almost too warm.
But that was better than the cold that had me shivering through gym class.
I unfastened the second button of my blouse, catching Miyagi’s eyes on my fingers.
It was like she wanted me to undo one more but wouldn’t say it aloud. Instead, she brought over the usual cups of barley tea and soda, setting them between the scattered reference books and workbooks on the table.
She hadn’t given me any orders yet.
Lowering her gaze, Miyagi quietly returned to her homework.
She hadn’t asked to see the pendant yet, which was a relief.
I didn’t want her touching me today—not after the dream I’d had. But there was no reason for Miyagi to be concerned about this. It was my own issue to deal with and had nothing to do with her.
Pushing the dream aside, I turned the page of my reference book.
It doesn’t matter. As long as I act like nothing happened, everything will be fine.
I took a sip of barley tea and picked up my pencil.
Instead of focusing on my reference book, I snuck a glance at Miyagi beside me, just as she said,
「Sendai-san, what if…」
She began to say something, then fell silent. No matter how long I waited, she didn’t continue, which left me feeling a bit uneasy. Since she was the one who brought it up, I didn’t want to just leave it hanging. So, as if nudging her along, I repeated, “What if… what?”
She reluctantly continued with,
「This is just a “what if,” okay?」
「Okay.」
「… If I applied to the same university as you, got accepted, and we ended up at the same school, what would you do?」
「Hmm, let me think…」
I propped my chin in my hands, mulling it over.
Miyagi didn’t sound especially interested; she kept her head down, her hair falling over her cheeks and hiding her expression.
When I glanced at her notebook, I noticed some random scribbles, as if she’d been fidgeting restlessly.
「I guess I’d just ask if you wanted to eat together.」
It wasn’t something I’d really thought about, so I answered with whatever came to mind first.
If we were to end up at the same university…
It was something I’d thought about before, but I’d never really considered what I’d actually want to do with Miyagi if it ever happened.
I couldn’t imagine her suddenly becoming more honest with me just because we’d become university students, nor could I picture us hanging out or walking around town together. Honestly, it made more sense if she just kept her distance from me. No matter what I might want with her, it would never happen, and if all I could picture was her pushing me away, it was better not to think about it at all.
「What if I went to a nearby university instead?」
Although I wasn’t sure how serious she was about it, Miyagi, who seemed to be considering applying to a school close to mine, looked up and said this in her typical indifferent tone.
「Uh, I guess I’d ask if you wanted to eat together?」
「Isn’t this the same answer? Is that all you want to do?」
「Well, it’s not like we could do much else together. I’d be fine with other things, but you’d just remind me that we’re not friends, wouldn’t you?」
I could pretty much guess how Miyagi would respond, and I figured that if I took the words straight out of her mouth, she’d be left without anything to say. And I was right. Miyagi fell silent.
I reached for her hand resting on the table. I didn’t squeeze it, but Miyagi flinched slightly. Still, she didn’t get mad at me.
This was just how she’d been lately.
She still wouldn’t let me kiss her, but she’d let me touch her like this. Sometimes, she’d pull away, but most of the time, she’d let it slide, looking like she wanted to complain but never quite going through with it. I wanted to ask why she’d had this change of heart, but I knew she’d never answer.
I caressed her fingertips, slipping my fingers between hers. Feeling her hand in mine made me want to touch more than just her hands, and I wondered if she ever had the same dreams I did.
I held Miyagi’s hand firmly, but she didn’t hold mine back. Instead, she tried to pull away.
「I can’t study like this, Sendai-san.」
「It’s okay, me neither.」
I replied, still holding her hand, which earned me an annoyed look from her.
「There’s nothing “okay” about this at all… Is this amusing to you?」
「Yeah, kind of.」
「Well, I have a hard time believing there’s anything fun about holding my hand.」
I could understand where she was coming from. Not even I knew exactly why holding her hand amused me so much. But I couldn’t help it—I just wanted to be able to touch Miyagi.
「I’m the one who gets to decide what’s amusing to me. Besides, wouldn’t it be scary if I were holding someone else’s hand in this room right now? I bet you wouldn’t be able to sleep after that.」
「Quit saying weird things.」
Miyagi frowned and slipped out of my grasp, grabbing a tissue box that had been sitting on the floor.
「Here, why don’t you hold hands with this instead?」
She shoved the tissue box, decorated with a crocodile cover, toward me, and I ended up shaking hands with the crocodile I had no interest in holding. Its tiny, squishy hands were softer than hers, but lacked her warmth. It didn’t feel unpleasant, but holding it wasn’t exactly satisfying either.
The crocodile, which had been in her room much longer than I had, looked spotless, without a single mark or scratch. I’d seen it being handled pretty roughly before, yet somehow, it was still in perfect shape, as if it were something precious to her.
I wished she’d handle me with even half the care she gave that crocodile.
「Are you enjoying yourself?」
Miyagi asked as she watched me holding the crocodile.
「Hmm, not really.」
The crocodile in my hands looked far more sincere than its owner. I brushed my fingers over its nose before leaning down to place a small kiss on it. It didn’t have the warmth that Miyagi’s lips did, and there was nothing exciting about it. I couldn’t help but wish I were kissing Miyagi instead, as if I were still caught up in that dream from earlier.
「Don’t do that.」
Even though she’d been the one to hand it to me in the first place, Miyagi pulled the crocodile away by its tail.
「Why not? Can’t I at least kiss the crocodile?」
「No.」
「You’re so cold, Miyagi. You didn’t even show up when I called for you.」
Miyagi patted the head of the crocodile as I took another sip of barley tea. After what happened last time in the music preparation room — about a week ago — I had asked to see Miyagi again at school, but she hadn’t shown up.
She didn’t tell me why she hadn’t come, but I could guess the reason.
Most likely, she was unhappy with how our trade had gone.
Miyagi was always overly cautious, so she was probably worried that if she saw me again, I’d try to push things further than just touching her.
「I already told you, didn’t I? I’m not going to show up even if you ask to see me.」
Miyagi replied, sounding annoyed. This wasn’t the first time we’d had this conversation, so I understood why she looked so fed up.
「You’re right, but if you weren’t going to show up, you should’ve let me know sooner.」
On the day Miyagi didn’t show up to the music preparation room, she let me know within ten minutes that she wasn’t coming. There wasn’t any real reason for me to be complaining about it now, and I hadn’t expected her to show up in the first place. Still, for some reason, I felt the need to complain, and no matter how much I did, it still didn’t feel like enough.
「I did let you know early. Besides, I don’t want to make any more trades with you.」
Miyagi answered exactly as I’d expected.
「I don’t think I even asked for anything unreasonable last time.」
「Sure, but you might ask for more next time.」
「No, I won’t.」
I couldn’t deny I had hidden motives, but I’d never do anything Miyagi truly disliked. Even if I said that aloud, though, I knew I wasn’t trustworthy enough for her to believe me.
Even right now, I wanted to touch Miyagi more, to the point where I wanted to do something that might make her trust me even less. But if I did that, she wouldn’t let me touch her at all anymore. All I could do was stroke the head of the crocodile in Miyagi’s arms.
「… Okay, then what were you planning to do if I had shown up?」
Miyagi mumbled.
「Hmm, I hadn’t thought about it. Let me see… I guess I would’ve had you call me by my name.」
I shared one of the little things I’d been wishing for, knowing how she’d respond.
「Call you by your name?」
「Yeah, I want you to call me “Hazuki.”」
「I’m not going to do that.」
「Come on, at least say it once.」
I’d expected her to refuse outright, even though I’d only asked her to say it once. Still, I figured there was no harm in asking, so I looked at Miyagi, not expecting much. She met my gaze briefly before looking away, her head dipping down. Then, she muttered,
「… I’m not going to call you Hazuki.」
Well, I guess that technically counts.
It might’ve just barely made the cut, but I could consider it her calling me by my name.
My mood, which had been close to rock bottom earlier, had lifted quite a bit. I gently pulled her hand away from the crocodile she was holding and held it, and this time, she gently squeezed back.
Ave Lilium Translations 