This is so awkward…
There was no better word to describe the atmosphere between me and Miyagi.
On the last day of summer break, I touched her in ways I never had before and heard unfamiliar sounds from her. Still, all I did was touch her chest a bit, and I barely heard her voice.
But either way, things felt incredibly awkward between us now.
We sat by her table with our textbooks open and homework spread out, but instead of getting anything done, it was clear we were just trying to gauge each other’s feelings.
「Hey, say something already.」
I said as I tossed my eraser at Miyagi, who had been silent this whole time.
Today was my first visit since whatever happened last time. The atmosphere in the room felt strange, making it impossible for me to calm my nerves.
「How about you say something instead, Sendai-san?」
Miyagi, sitting across from me, responded coldly and threw the eraser back at me. I picked it up as it rolled across the table and used it to erase some words that didn’t need erasing.
Summer didn’t end just because our vacation was over. Despite it being September, the heat persisted. It was still hot enough to enjoy ice cream, and air conditioning remained a necessity.
The temperature in Miyagi’s room felt just right.
It wasn’t hot enough to justify removing either Miyagi’s clothes or my own. Naturally, there was no reason for me to touch Miyagi, and no opportunity for it either.
It had only been a few days since the start of the new school semester, and yet here I was, with my mind in the gutter.
I wasn’t planning to do anything to Miyagi today.
There was no reason for an atmosphere like that to develop between us anyway.
Well, that goes without saying.
We didn’t have the kind of relationship where we’d have sex with each other, so there was no reason for that sort of atmosphere to arise between us.
―― So, why?
I couldn’t deny that I was thinking about being intimate with Miyagi when we did what we did the other day. I wasn’t particularly surprised by my desires either. Everyone had sexual desires of some sort, and Miyagi was likely no exception, so I didn’t find it strange to have those thoughts.
But why did I have to have those kinds of desires toward Miyagi of all people?
「What are you looking at me for?」
Miyagi asked, her tone colder than usual. Her icy gaze only added to the discomfort. I knew it was just a front and wasn’t overly worried, but her attitude still left me feeling weighed down and a bit disheartened.
「Can I not look at you?」
I replied, trying to keep my tone as neutral as possible.
「No.」
「Okay, fine.」
I dropped my gaze towards my textbook.
“Do my homework for me.”
If only Miyagi had given me an order like that; it would have helped distract me. Instead, she was focused on her own homework. I had my own assignments to tackle, but I couldn’t concentrate on the problems in front of me. Before I knew it, my mind was wandering, replaying memories of Miyagi.
Even if I could forgive myself for having these thoughts, accepting them was still difficult.
Forcing myself to confront the fact that I had these desires for Miyagi was something I never expected.
I could still recall the feeling of Miyagi’s chest in my hand.
I clenched my right hand tightly, leaving fingernail marks on my palm. After a moment, I relaxed my grip, lifted my head, and rolled my eraser towards Miyagi.
「Are you sure I can’t look at you, Miyagi?」
「Aren’t you already doing it? Also, why are you even going out of your way to ask me this?」
「Because earlier, you told me not to look at you.」
「Whatever. More importantly, get back to your homework, Sendai-san.」
「I will, as long as you tell me I’m allowed to look at you.」
My eraser was not returned to me.
Miyagi wore a displeased expression on her face.
「Didn’t I say you weren’t allowed to look at me earlier?」
「Well, you didn’t explicitly say I wasn’t allowed to.」
When I nitpicked her, Miyagi frowned and, clearly annoyed, stood up to grab a manga volume from her bookshelf.
「If you’re not going to do your homework anyway, why don’t you read this instead?」
She said as she placed the book on the table.
「I just bought this yesterday, so it’s something you haven’t read before.」
I couldn’t understand why she was so opposed to me looking at her. It seemed like she was suggesting that if my eyes had to wander, I might as well read the manga instead of staring at her face.
Seeing Miyagi react like this was pretty cute.
But it wasn’t anything that stirred up any lustful feelings.
Miyagi was just an ordinary girl – there was nothing particularly remarkable about her. When we were classmates, she was merely an inconspicuous, plain girl in my class, and now she was still just as unremarkable – only this year, she was in the classroom next door.
To be more precise, while she didn’t stand out much, she wasn’t exactly normal either. Normal people wouldn’t order someone to lick their feet or bite them hard enough to draw blood.
When I put it that way, it actually sounds pretty awful, huh.
For me to feel attracted to someone like that, I must have a few—no, several—screws loose myself.
I shouldn’t let myself indulge in those feelings again.
While I did want to touch Miyagi again, even if I had the chance, nothing more would come of it. I had faith in myself. I didn’t want to delve into why those screws in my head had come loose, nor did I need to. Besides, even if I did want to touch her, she was sitting too far away.
「Are you not going to read it?」
Miyagi tossed my eraser back at me.
「I’ll read it next time.」
「When is “next time” supposed to be?」
「That’s up to you, isn’t it, Miyagi?」
“I guess that’s true,” Miyagi said, closing her textbook. However, she quickly reopened it and mumbled,
「… Actually, I didn’t think you’d come today, Sendai-san.」
Her offhand comment lingered awkwardly in the air.
As if to break the sudden silence, the only sound that filled the room was the rustling of textbook pages, which gradually faded away.
「Why did you think that?」
「Because of what happened last time.」
「Honestly, I didn’t expect you to ask me to come over again after that either, Miyagi.」
I was genuinely surprised that Miyagi invited me over today.
I really thought she wouldn’t contact me anymore after the new school semester started.
「It’s not like you broke any rules or anything.」
She closed the textbook she’d been fidgeting with.
Technically, what happened last time ended as just an attempt.
Since we didn’t actually go all the way, I suppose we never really broke the rule against having sex with each other. That being said, I wasn’t entirely sure what counted as sex between women.
「Then why are you sitting all the way over there instead of next to me?」
Not wanting our first conversation of the day to end, I decided to ask what had been on my mind for a while.
Recently, Miyagi had gotten into the habit of sitting next to me rather than across from me.
「Because I can’t trust you anymore, Sendai-san.」
She answered bluntly, and in my mind, I couldn’t help but agree with her.
I couldn’t refute her claim. However, Miyagi didn’t seem to reject me either. I wanted to mention that, but fearing that Miyagi would become silent again if I did, I kept the words to myself.
「Let’s just finish our homework already.」
Miyagi said something unusually serious for her.
However, instead of filling in the pages of my notebook, my thoughts were entirely occupied by the Miyagi sitting in front of me.
Ave Lilium Translations 