I had hugged Miyagi.
It happened only two weeks ago, not long at all, but the once vivid memory of holding her had quickly faded. The sensation of her in my arms had grown so faint, I could barely remember what it felt like. That day, she had been so quiet in my embrace, but it seemed like something like that would never happen again. Looking back, I should’ve committed that feeling to memory more deeply.
I wished I could store that memory neatly in a drawer alongside the shirt and blouse she gave me.
Thinking like that probably showed just how messed up I was.
I really hated it.
It was still early in the evening, and I was in the middle of my assignments when I let my pencil roll across the desk. It traveled over my notebook and stopped at my textbook.
Our midterms were over, but finals were quickly approaching, so I’d been spending more time at my desk. It felt like all I did lately was study, and honestly, that wasn’t far from the truth. I had entrance exams to worry about too, which made everything even more exhausting.
I didn’t hate studying, but I wanted the exams to be over already. But once they were done, graduation would be right around the corner, and then I’d have to face the end of the arrangement I had with Miyagi. Right now, I couldn’t stand the thought of a future without her.
I absentmindedly touched the pendant Miyagi rarely asked about anymore. She still requested to see it sometimes, either ordering me to undo the third button of my blouse or doing it herself, but it happened less often these days. Instead, she’d been asking me to cook for her.
It wasn’t like I wanted her to touch the pendant all the time or anything, but it made me uneasy when she didn’t. The pendant felt like a cursed item, something I couldn’t take off once I put it on, as if it had somehow bound itself to me. And because of this pendant, I kept having all sorts of strange thoughts.
I lightly patted my cheeks, trying to shake off the heavy mood. Glancing at the window, I noticed the rain outside had grown heavier, and the wind began to rattle the glass. The rain had started as a soft patter before I began studying, but now the wind howled along with it, creating an unsettling noise in the otherwise quiet room. I found myself wishing it would just turn to snow already.
Still sitting in my chair, I picked up my phone.
I wonder what Miyagi’s doing right now?
Whenever Miyagi called me over, I never saw anyone else there. I had no idea what her parents did for a living or why they were never around, and I wasn’t sure if Miyagi, who tended to get frightened easily, was afraid being alone on nights like this.
I opened my messaging app and tapped on Miyagi’s name. After hesitating for a moment, I decided to call her.
It rang twice, then three times. By the sixth ring, just as I was about to hang up, her voice came through.
「… Sendai-san?」
「Yeah, it’s me.」
「What do you want at this hour?」
I didn’t really know how to answer. The truth was, I’d called without any particular reason in mind. But if I told her that, I had a feeling she’d get annoyed.
「Well, the weather’s pretty bad outside, and I thought, since you get scared easily, maybe you were feeling a little freaked out.」
I said, trying to keep my excuse for calling her vague.
「I don’t get scared that easily. What I don’t like are gho- I mean, horror movies and stuff like that. The wind and rain are fine.」
「What about thunder?」
「I don’t like it, but I’m not afraid of it.」
「Oh, I see.」
Miyagi seemed more afraid of ghosts than of the wind or rain, and she didn’t sound scared at all on the other side of the phone. That should have been a relief, but now I didn’t know what else to talk to her about.
‘I just wanted to hear your voice.’
‘I was a little worried about you.’
I wasn’t going to say any of that, and it wasn’t like I felt that way either. Or at least, I didn’t think I did. Still, I didn’t want to hang up now that we were talking.
「Are you alone at home right now?」
I tried to break the silence, knowing that Miyagi, with her short temper, would likely hang up on me if I didn’t say something. But instead of a reply, there was quiet on her end. I realized that might not have been the best thing to ask. Miyagi rarely wanted to talk about herself, and whenever I tried, she’d always change the subject.
「… Yeah, I am.」
Just as I started regretting my question, she mumbled an answer.
「Are you always by yourself at this time of night?」
「Yeah, no one else is ever home.」
I’d already assumed as much, but hearing her say it herself was a first. It was unusual for her to be this open.
「Do both of your parents work or something?」
「Sendai-san, was there something you needed to talk to me about?」
Her voice dropped, as if hinting that she didn’t want to talk about it any further. Sensing she wasn’t going to respond to any more of my questions, I decided to answer hers honestly.
「Not really.」
The conversation ended abruptly, leaving only the sound of the rain and wind howling outside.
There were so many other things I wanted to ask Miyagi, but she always seemed irritated whenever I brought up university. If I asked her now, I felt like she’d hang up right away.
It felt unfair, like I was the only one making an effort, and the imbalance was starting to bother me.
But if I brought up something like that, she’d just steer the conversation towards whatever she wanted, and we’d end up in silence again. And if that silence lasted too long, she’d probably end up hanging up on me anyway.
I didn’t want to be the one getting hung up on, so I decided I’d end the call myself.
「Anyway, I think we should hang up now.」
I was about to follow up with “Good night,” but Miyagi cut me off before I could.
「Wait, Sendai-san, let’s talk a little more. I’m not scared, but it’s too loud outside.」
She said, as if making an excuse. Then, she quickly added, “Actually, never mind,” but I stopped her.
「Wait, wait, don’t take it back. Let’s talk a bit more.」
「What do you want to talk about?」
「You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but is there a reason why you won’t let me call you by your name, Miyagi?」
I asked a relatively harmless question that had always been on my mind.
「Only my friends call me “Shiori.”」
I expected that response.
Miyagi and I weren’t friends. I knew it was coming, but it still stung a little.
「If we became friends, could I call you by your name then?」
I followed up with another uninteresting question. But instead of answering it, Miyagi began her reply with, “Hazuki.”
My heart skipped a beat hearing her say my name, something only a few people ever called me by. But her sentence didn’t end there, and she tacked on a question of her own.
「―― Who calls you that? Just your friends?」
「Yeah, mostly my friends. Oh, and my parents too, I guess. You should call me by my name too, Miyagi.」
「I’m not your friend, and I’m definitely not your parent either.」
「Yeah, I figured you’d say that.」
Just like how people normally greeted each other with “Good morning” out of habit, Miyagi had her own set of phrases for moments like this. It was as if she had a set menu of responses, always ready to deny the idea of us being friends. I wasn’t particularly hung up on whether we were friends or not, but hearing her deny it didn’t exactly feel great either.
「Sendai-san, are you still wearing the necklace?」
This, too, had become one of her usual lines.
Miyagi always wanted to make sure I still had the pendant on.
「Yeah, I am.」
「Touch it, right now.」
「You want me to do it?」
Miyagi had always been the one to touch the pendant herself. She’d never asked me to touch it before, so I wanted to double-check with her.
「Yeah.」
「Okay, sure.」
I was so used to obeying her that I found myself doing what she asked without much thought. Even though now wasn’t the time to be ordered around by her, I didn’t see any reason to refuse, so I did as she asked.
I placed my hand over my hoodie, feeling the pendant beneath it.
「I touched it.」
I said, and Miyagi immediately replied with,
「Are you touching it directly? Not over your clothes?」
「Miyagi, did you install a camera in my room or something?」
「Of course not. But you’re not doing it properly. Touch it directly.」
「Fine.」
I slipped my hand inside the neck of my loose-fitting hoodie and touched the chain of the pendant directly. Maybe because my room was warm, neither my hand nor the chain felt cold. I slowly ran my fingers along the chain, mimicking the way Miyagi always did it.
Ignoring the slight resistance at my fingertips, I followed the chain across my skin toward the charm. It didn’t tickle, but it also didn’t feel like I was the one doing it. Somehow, the sensation made me feel uneasy, and I let out shallow breaths.
「Are you touching it properly now?」
「I am.」
Hearing Miyagi’s voice while I did this felt a little strange. Even though it was my own fingers, it almost felt like Miyagi was the one touching me. My breathing grew a little heavier, and the bumps on the chain felt more pronounced than usual.
「Really?」
Her voice through the phone seemed to caress my ear, echoing softly in my eardrum. It felt like I could hear Miyagi’s breathing as well, so I tried to drown it out with the sound of my own voice.
「Do you want me to send you a video or something?」
「No, and you can stop touching it now.」
I stopped stroking the chain, but Miyagi quickly continued, cutting off any response I might have had.
「Sendai-san, I’m going to hang up now.」
「Okay. Good night.」
I said, and Miyagi responded with a quiet “Good night,” her voice almost drowned out by the sound of wind and rain.
Ave Lilium Translations 