Sendai-san had been in my line of sight all day.
It wasn’t that strange, considering we lived together, but ever since summer vacation started, we’d been spending more time at home together. We’d stayed in a lot during Golden Week too, but now, it felt like even more than before.
Anyway, the point was—Sendai-san was always around.
We were supposed to be playing video games, but she’d put her controller aside and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. Having her body against mine made me feel strangely at ease, and I didn’t want her to let go.
「Aren’t you planning to hang out with any of your friends, Sendai-san?」
I hadn’t expected her to be home all the time like this. I thought she’d go out with friends or spend her days working, but since summer vacation began, she’d spent nearly all her time outside of work at home.
「Nope. What about you, Miyagi?」
「I told you before, I don’t have any plans.」
「Yeah, me neither. The only thing I have planned is spending time with you.」
Sendai-san leaned against me as she spoke. Whether she was joking or not, I couldn’t tell. Our shoulders and arms, which were already touching, pressed even closer together, and the places where we touched started to feel warm.
「Aren’t you hot, Sendai-san?」
Her room was usually kept cool.
More accurately, her air conditioner was always on high. Normally, it felt cold to me, but these past few days, the temperature seemed a little warmer than usual.
「I dressed lightly today, so I’m fine.」
She said, stretching out her pale legs.
Well, I guess that’s true, I thought to myself.
Unlike me, Sendai-san was wearing shorts. Just looking at her made me feel cold. When I reached out and touched her thigh, she flinched slightly.
「Are you cold, Miyagi?」
Before, I would’ve complained about how cold it was or turned up the temperature without asking. But this was Sendai-san’s room, not mine. I should respect her wishes. As long as it wasn’t cold enough to make me sick, I had nothing to complain about.
Besides, I’d rather have the air conditioner blowing cold air than warm. If the room were a bit cooler, Sendai-san would cling to me—and with her sticking to me like that, even a chilly room would feel just right.
Or so I thought. But apparently, the warmth didn’t bother her at all. Despite being sensitive to heat, she stayed close to me without hesitation.
「It’s your room, Sendai-san. You should adjust the temperature however you like.」
I said as I slid my hand down her thigh.
I couldn’t tell whether it was my palm or her leg that felt warm.
「Well, in that case, I’m fine with this.」
She said softly, then took hold of my hand resting on her thigh. I could feel her heat clearly as she joined our hands together.
「Do you want to keep playing?」
I asked, glancing at the controller still lying on the floor.
「I can’t win against you, so I give up.」
「Then let’s do something else.」
「Like what?」
「You decide, Sendai-san.」
I tried to free my hand, but she pulled it right back. When I looked at her, she gripped it even tighter, and before I could say anything, she pressed her lips against mine. Her kiss was firm enough that the line between us seemed to blur. After a short moment, she pulled away.
Ever since summer vacation started, she’d been kissing me like it was the most natural thing in the world. I had no reason to refuse her—after all, I was the one who told her it was fine as long as she didn’t go too far—but lately, she hadn’t been holding back at all.
「That’s not what I meant when I said we should do something else. Why’d you jump straight to kissing me?」
「You didn’t want it?」
Sendai-san asked quietly.
「I don’t like the way you say that.」
「Then should I have said it’s because I wanted to kiss you?」
「No, I don’t like that either.」
「Then what do you want me to say?」
「Actually, why do you keep saying weird things like that anyway?」
「Well, it’s because you asked.」
「Even if I did ask, I still don’t want you to say things like that.」
I stretched my leg out like she had and kicked her ankle.
「Ouch.」
She said, even though I hadn’t kicked her that hard, so I did it again in protest. In return, she tightened her grip on my hand.
I looked at Sendai-san’s face, and she immediately leaned forward to kiss me again. This time, though, she pulled away quickly. Even when I held her hand back, she didn’t kiss me again.
I gave her leg one last light kick before letting go of her hand.
It had become natural for us to just be close enough to touch each other. It was even normal for us to be touching all the time now.
I’d gotten used to having Sendai-san always within my sight, and lately, I’d even started to want her there.
It wasn’t that I’d changed; it was because Sendai-san kept doing things that made me feel that way.
— Or at least, that’s what I wanted to believe.
The reason why I wanted her to kiss me again just now was simple: Sendai-san had taught me that we didn’t need a reason to kiss.
Well, she hadn’t exactly taught me that, but the way she kissed me so easily made me feel silly for even needing one in the first place.
Sendai-san had become too deeply tied to everything that made up who I was.
So many things—both inside me and around me—were shaped by her. The desire to kiss someone, the comfort in someone’s warmth, this apartment, the word “roommates,” even my earrings—none of them would’ve existed without her.
「Miyagi.」
Sendai-san called my name softly.
「What?」
「You don’t want to hold hands?」
「Not anymore.」
I answered flatly, and Sendai-san leaned back against the bed.
Our shoulders, which had been pressed together, separated, leaving one side of my body feeling strangely empty.
Sendai-san could be really mean sometimes.
Even when I told her not to, she’d still grab my hand or cling to me. But in moments like this, she’d quietly pull away and never come back. I could never figure out what went on in her head.
Touching Sendai-san had let me learn things about her that no one else probably knew, but that alone wasn’t enough. I wanted to know more about the Sendai-san who kept intruding into my life—more than I did now. And until I did, the unease that had once disappeared but since come back would never go away.
I didn’t want to keep thinking about pointless things—like what if Sendai-san got closer to Maika than she was to me, or started seeing her alone; or what if she grew close to someone I didn’t know and brought them here. I just wanted to stop imagining things like that altogether.
「Sendai-san.」
I tapped lightly at the back of her hand resting on the floor.
「What is it?」
「Give me your hand.」
I placed my own hand on her thigh.
It was impossible to get my feelings across without saying them out loud.
Even if I couldn’t put everything into words, I still wanted to express at least a little of what I felt.
But it never came out the way I wanted, and I knew I couldn’t keep this up for long.
My shoulders were stiff, and my head felt heavy, like a stone was pressing down on the back of it, making it hard to breathe.
Things that would’ve been easy with anyone else felt impossibly difficult with Sendai-san. Just saying what I thought felt like trying to clear a game I could never beat.
「Like this?」
Sendai-san took my hand, and without being asked, pressed her lips against my cheek.
「Miyagi.」
She said my name in a voice so warm I could almost feel it sink into my skin. That same warmth traveled from our joined hands through my body, spreading through my veins until even my blood felt hot.
When I looked at her, she kissed me again—the same way she had so many times today—but her lips soon left mine, leaving only my hand warm in their place. Sendai-san tapped the back of it with her fingers, and when I squeezed her hand back, she kissed me again, softly, again and again.
Even though I was the one who’d said it was fine for her to kiss me as long as she didn’t go too far, I wasn’t sure how much I’d let her get away with. Because of that, one part of me wanted to let her keep going as long as she wanted, while another part wanted to stop her right away. The two sides of me clashed so loudly inside my head that it almost hurt.
Ever since the other day, the solid line that had existed between me and Sendai-san had turned into something dotted, and she kept slipping through the gaps. I knew it was my own feelings towards her that had cut that line apart, but it was something I didn’t want to admit.
After all, I still didn’t want to make something special just to be able to lose it someday.
If I could, I wanted to connect those dots and make it a single, straight line again. But I knew that was impossible.
I pushed at Sendai-san’s shoulder as she leaned in to kiss me again.
「That’s enough.」
I said firmly.
Then, out of nowhere, Sendai-san suddenly said,
「You know, I kind of want some ice cream.」
「We already had some yesterday.」
「What I mean is, let’s go buy some at the convenience store.」
Letting go of my hand, Sendai-san stood up.
「If you want some, go buy it yourself.」
「Come on, let’s go together.」
She said, leaning down and taking the hand she’d just let go of.
Ave Lilium Translations 