That was the first time I ever talked to Miyagi at school.

          Sure, there was that one time I pulled her aside, but I considered that just an extension of our usual time together. But this was different—it was the first time we’d spoken in front of our friends.

          It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but for some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and it was driving me nuts. I felt like turning around, even though there was no real reason to.

          「Hazuki, you’re acting a little spaced out. You sure you’re okay?」

          Umina’s unexpectedly loud voice caught my attention, and I turned to look at her next to me.

          「Sorry, I was just thinking about something.」

          「You’re gonna bump into someone again like this.」

          Umina let out a playful laugh as she joked. “Yeah, you’re right,” I replied, and we kept walking down the hallway.

          No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t hear Miyagi’s voice anymore. All that reached me were Umina and Mariko’s voices.

          「What’s that girl’s name again? Miyagi, right? Are you guys close?」

          Umina asked, as if the thought had just occurred to her.

          「Yeah, that was Miyagi, but I wouldn’t say we’re close or anything.」

          「Really? But you guys hung out during summer break.」       

          「Huh? Who?」  

          「You and Miyagi.」     

          「Are you sure you didn’t mistake me for someone else?」

          Since I was so used to lying, the words slipped out naturally.

          「Come on, I could never mistake you for someone else, Hazuki.」

          Umina must’ve been sure of what she saw, as she kept pushing the issue.

          「I remembered because you guys were hanging out in such an unusual area.」

          Umina then mentioned the name of a train station—the same one Miyagi and I visited during summer break. We had watched a movie there together, so she wasn’t mistaken about having seen us.

          「Now that you mention it…」

          As we approached the classroom, I scrambled to think of a way to cover up the lie I’d just told.

          「I have family in that area, so I was there visiting them, and I just happened to run into Miyagi.」

          「Oh, you have family there too? I actually have a cousin who lives near that station.」

          Mariko said as we entered the classroom, not bothering to stop at her own desk. Umina, looking disappointed, murmured, “So even you forget things sometimes, huh, Hazuki?”

          「I’m only human, after all.」

          「Well, I don’t really care if you guys are close or not, but I was just curious if she was the reason we didn’t hang out much over the break.」

          Umina asked as she took a seat and gave me a bitter look. I didn’t go to my own desk; instead, I stayed and continued chatting with her.

          「Didn’t you say you were busy with prep school, Umina? Why were you even in that area?」

          「I was on a date with my boyfriend.」

          「All the way out there?」

          「We wanted to go somewhere different for a change. Plus, we didn’t want to run into other people from our school, so we picked somewhere out of the way.」

          Miyagi’s plan had backfired.

          She had deliberately chosen a place where we were unlikely to run into anyone we knew.

          But what were the odds that Umina, of all people, had been thinking the same thing?

          「Sounds like you two get along well. I’m kind of jealous.」

          Umina didn’t seem interested in getting me to talk about Miyagi again, but I didn’t want to bring up how this conversation began.

          So, I decided to move the conversation along with a smile. It looked like my attempt had lifted Umina’s mood a bit. With the topic of Miyagi out of her mind, she started sharing details about where she and her boyfriend had gone that day and what they had eaten.

          I wasn’t the type to get jealous of other people’s happiness, but since I wasn’t particularly interested in Umina’s stories, her voice soon faded into background noise.

          I dropped my gaze to my hands.

          Unsurprisingly, there were no traces of Miyagi left on me.

          「Did you get hurt when you guys ran into each other earlier?」

          Mariko asked, likely because she saw that I was fixated on my hands.

          「Nope, I’m fine.」

          「You sure?」

          「Yeah, see?」

          I said as I waved my hands around.

          「Looks good to me. I guess this means you’ll still be able to hold hands with your boyfriend.」

          「I told you, I’m not seeing anyone.」

          「I know. Hurry up and find someone already.」

          「Even if I do find someone, it doesn’t guarantee we’ll hold hands.」

          「Huh? Why not?」

          Mariko wore a puzzled look on her face.

          「Do you guys really like to hold hands that often?」

          I asked the two of them without directing the question to either one specifically.

          There wasn’t any deeper meaning behind my question, and I doubted their answers would be of any real use to me.

          Miyagi immediately came to mind, but she wasn’t my lover, and I had no desire to walk around hand-in-hand with her. Yet, I found myself conscious of her whenever we were together, as I had been earlier.

           「Holding hands with your lover is pretty normal, isn’t it?」

          Umina said, and Mariko followed up with, “Yeah, especially when you’re on a date.”

          「Oh, I get it. Hazuki, you just want a relationship so pure that even the idea of holding hands is too much.」

          Mariko said playfully, extending her hand towards me, and I took it in mine.

          Mariko’s hand felt similar to Miyagi’s—warm and soft. I imagined Umina’s hands were probably the same.

          But there was something about Miyagi’s hands that just felt different.  

          I didn’t want to hold hands with her, but sometimes I had a strong urge to touch her. For example, when we bumped into each other in the hallway earlier, I instinctively grabbed her hand. These feelings were far from the purity Mariko talked about.

          「Wait, did you find someone you like?」

          Umina asked, her face lit up with curiosity.

          Oh, this is such a pain…

          Even if I were to say no, they would likely reply with something like, “But there must be someone you’re interested in, right?”

          「Come on, who is it?」

          I could hear the delight in Mariko’s voice, but just as I was about to give a half-hearted response, the bell rang.

          「Look, class is about to start.」       

          Fortunately, I was saved by the bell. I went to my desk, sat down, and the teacher walked in right after.

          As class started, the teacher’s voice was the only sound filling the room. I copied the notes from the blackboard into my notebook, but my right hand couldn’t help but write ‘Miyagi’ in the margin before I quickly erased it.

          ‘I want to be able to talk to her at school too…’

          The sound of my voice echoed in my head, overshadowing the teacher’s.

          ‘… This is ridiculous.’

          There was nothing to talk about with Miyagi at school. Even when it was just the two of us, we hardly ever had anything to talk about.

          I tried to clear my mind of these distracting thoughts and turned to a page in my textbook. As I focused on filling in my notebook, class eventually ended. When I stood up to join Umina and the others for lunch, I heard a notification on my phone and pulled it out of my bag to check.

          I settled back into my seat and glanced at the screen. As always, Miyagi’s message had once again filled up my after-school schedule. Being summoned two days in a row was unusual, but today it didn’t surprise me.

          I had grabbed her wrist in the hallway earlier.

          She was probably going to press me on that.

          The problem was, even I couldn’t explain why I felt compelled to grab her wrist in front of everyone. I could say I just wanted to touch her, but I doubted Miyagi would accept that answer and would probably question why I wanted to touch her.

          ‘I just didn’t want to hand you back to your friends.’

          There was no way I could admit that there were deeper feelings at work. If I had to measure them, they’d be roughly the size of konpeito¹. Nonetheless, it was inappropriate to harbor these feelings, especially for Miyagi.

          After responding to Miyagi’s message to let her know I’d be coming over, I stood up again.

          The mere thought of her questioning me about what happened in the hallway earlier was giving me a headache.

          This is such a hassle…

          Even so, seeing Miyagi didn’t feel like a hassle in itself.

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1. Konpeito is a Japanese rock candy that is basically made out of a lot of sugar. Seriously, it’s basically just crystallized sugar. But it’s small, and our poor Sendai here is simply trying to convince herself her feelings are just as tiny. ↩︎

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