[Part 117] After the Graduation Ceremony, With Sendai-san (I)

         Just because it was the morning of the graduation ceremony didn’t mean anything special was going to happen.

         I knew that.

         Even so, I found myself wondering—what if she was waiting for me outside?

         The thought had crossed my mind, but of course, there was no way Sendai-san would be standing right outside my apartment. She’d randomly shown up at my place before, so I’d thought maybe, just maybe, she’d do it again today. But I’d been ignoring her messages lately, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t care about me anymore.

         It wasn’t like I was expecting anything, and honestly, it would’ve been a pain if she really had been waiting.

         I walked along the same path I always did.

         Once I got to school, I would only walk this path one last time—on the way home from the ceremony. Thinking about that made me feel a little sad.

         The streets were warm for a March morning, and I made my way to school.

         The weather was nice, but my legs felt heavy. My uniform felt heavy too, and naturally, I walked more slowly than usual.

         But walking slowly wasn’t going to cancel the ceremony, and it wasn’t going to erase my promise with Sendai-san, either.

         I entered the school feeling disconnected, and climbed the stairs.

         As I headed down the hallway, I saw Sendai-san step out of the noisy classroom next to mine.

         Because it was the day of the graduation ceremony, her blouse was buttoned all the way to the top, and her tie was neatly in place.

         It was a sight I wouldn’t get to see again after today, and although I didn’t want to burn it into my memory, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

         I couldn’t call out to her right now, but I wanted to.

         It doesn’t matter if anyone sees us.

         That was what I’d said to her when we went to the movies together, but in the end, promises were things that should be kept. If only both of us had followed the rules all the way to today—maybe then I wouldn’t be feeling like this.

         I tried to look away from Sendai-san.

         But before I could, she noticed I was staring.

         She opened her mouth, like she wanted to say something, but Ibaraki-san suddenly appeared and pulled her back into the classroom before I could hear anything.

         I couldn’t even sigh.

         Even though I’d already made up my mind, just seeing her made me hesitate.

         After all our exams ended, I’d been thinking about what to do after graduation. But the fact that I even had to think about it in the first place felt strange. I had already made my decision. I told Sendai-san I had.

         And promises are supposed to be kept, not broken.

         Even so, I still couldn’t stop wavering.

         I walked past the classroom where Sendai-san had disappeared and entered my own.

         After putting my bag down at my desk, I went over to Maika’s.

         I wasn’t fond of gloomy atmospheres, but Ami had already started crying even before the ceremony began, and Maika had been focusing on comforting her.

         My legs still felt heavy, and my uniform felt stiff.

         It made it hard to move.

         But somehow, I managed to speak. I looked at Ami and asked, “Are you okay?”

          「Shiori~!」

         Ami, her nose red from crying, called out to me in a tone like the world was ending tomorrow and threw her arms around me.

         「Man, I should’ve applied to the same university as you guys. Don’t leave me behind~」

         「Come on, you’re overreacting. It’s not like we’re never going to see each other again.」

         「But…」

         Ami replied in her nasally voice, still sobbing.

         I patted her shoulder and told her we could see each other anytime we wanted, and that we’d definitely hang out over summer break.

         Even as I tried to comfort Ami, my mind was occupied with nothing but Sendai-san. I felt cold-hearted for not being able to focus on Ami properly, but ever since the entrance exams ended, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Sendai-san—and I hated that I couldn’t do anything about it.

         「Ami, if you don’t stop crying soon, your face is going to get all messed up, you know?」

         Maika said as she gently patted Ami’s shoulder.

         Ami, who’d been crying like a little kid, finally let go of me and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief.

         「I know.」

         I wasn’t sure how long she’d been crying, but her eyes were definitely swollen. She looked awful—even though the graduation ceremony was just about to start.

         「You too, Shiori.」

         Maika said as she handed me a tissue.

         「I’m not crying, though.」

         「Not yet. But you look like you’re about to.」

         「Yeah, she really does.」

         Ami added, still crying and laughing at the same time.

         Their words stung a little.

         I wasn’t even crying.

         I handed the tissue back to Maika and rubbed my eyes.

         There wasn’t anything today worth crying over.

         Sure, I’d be going to a different university than Ami, but that didn’t mean we’d never see each other again.

         I’d still be with Maika too.

         ― The only person I wouldn’t be seeing anymore was Sendai-san.

         After today, everything between us would end.

         We wouldn’t see each other again.

         That was why I wanted to make a few final memories with her before we graduated. I didn’t want to carve reminders of Sendai-san into the calendar of my heart, but with the end drawing near, I thought it’d be okay to leave behind just a few.

         Giving her chocolate on Valentine’s Day.

         Watching a movie together.

         None of that was a big deal.

         Even if something unusual had happened between us, I figured I’d forget about it soon enough.

         Memories don’t last forever.

         They were bound to fade away eventually.

         There were plenty of things I couldn’t remember from just last year.

         I didn’t know how long it would take for my high school memories to disappear, but as long as I didn’t think about them, it probably wouldn’t take that long.

         But now, I was starting to regret thinking it’d be okay to leave behind just a few more memories.

         The taste of the Valentine’s chocolate.

         The kiss we shared after coming back from the movies.

         I’d replayed those moments in my head so many times, and instead of fading, they only seemed to grow stronger.

         It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

         What I thought would be passing memories had ended up weighing me down.

         「Shiori.」

         Maika’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

         「You’re crying.」

         She said as she reached out to my cheek with a tissue.

         「… It’s okay. I’ll wipe it myself.」

         I glanced at Maika as I wiped my cheeks with my hands.

         There was no teasing in her eyes—just kindness.

         I accepted the tissue I’d turned down earlier.

         「Um, Maika… Thanks. Really.」

         「The graduation ceremony’s starting soon.」

         Maika said gently.

         「Yeah.」

         Ami replied in a stuffy voice, nodding.

         Sensing the atmosphere had gotten heavy, Maika suddenly clapped her hands together.

         「Right! How about we go somewhere together over spring break?」

         「Oh, that sounds good!」

         Ami’s cheerful voice chimed in.

         As we discussed the date, time, and location of our trip, the teacher entered the classroom, and soon after, the graduation ceremony began.

         The principal gave a speech first, followed by a guest speaker.

         Their words weren’t much different from last year’s. I didn’t feel particularly moved, and I wasn’t on the verge of tears or anything. Still, the grand yet somewhat melancholic atmosphere of the ceremony made my eyes start to sting.

         I rubbed at them as I looked around, trying to spot Sendai-san.

         But with all the uniforms in the way, I couldn’t see anything clearly, so I gave up and looked down instead.

         If I had been in the same class as Sendai-san, would I feel any different right now?

         If we had been classmates, would I have been able to trust her?

         The same questions kept looping in my head, going nowhere.

         ― The me that Sendai-san wanted me to be.

         In the middle of those endless thoughts, one of them—formed while we were making one of our last memories together—stuck, like it had been pinned in place.

         I still didn’t know what version of myself would’ve been the “right” one.

         I thought maybe, if I could just become the person Sendai-san wanted me to be, I could change how things were going to end.

         But I couldn’t change who I was, and I couldn’t become someone who could believe in her.

         The more I thought about what was ahead of us, the more anxious I felt.

         I lifted my head.

         On stage, the former student council president was giving the farewell speech.

         If that had been Sendai-san up there, I probably would’ve been able to see her clearly.

         As if to chase the thought away, I gave a small shake of my head.

         Not long after, we sang the school song, went back to our classroom, and got our diplomas from the teacher.

         Then, I left the school with Maika and Ami.

         We talked about silly things, not much different from usual, and then parted ways.

         But not even five minutes later, I heard a voice calling from behind me.

         「Miyagi.」

         I knew it was Sendai-san’s voice without even turning around.

         I quickened my pace.

         「Hey, Miyagi!」

         Her voice was getting closer, but still, I didn’t turn around.

         「Shiori!」

         I had no choice but to stop when she called my name louder than before.

         I turned to face her.

         「How many times do I have to tell you not to call me by my name?」

         「You were ignoring me. What else was I supposed to do?」

         Sendai-san said with a smile as she ran up beside me.

         「I know I told you to come over after the ceremony, but I never said anything about going home together, did I?」

         She was now walking next to me, the top button of her blouse undone, her tie slightly loosened—just like always.

         「You didn’t, but this is fine, isn’t it?」

         「It’s not. We’re not at school anymore, but we promised not to talk outside of it, remember?」

         「Well, we just graduated, so the rules shouldn’t matter anymore, right?」

         How typical of her.

         She was always like this—so casual, so carefree.

         Even today, on the day of our graduation, she hadn’t changed at all.

         「It does matter. Just stay behind me.」

         「Okay.」

         She replied in a tone that didn’t sound like she really understood what I meant. She stopped walking for a bit, but a second later, she picked up her pace again, walking right next to me.

         「I told you to stay behind me.」

         「I am behind you.」

         I glanced at her. She clearly wasn’t getting what I was trying to say.

         「Look closer.」

         I looked—just as she said, with a completely unapologetic voice—and sure enough, she was behind me. Just barely.

         「That’s not what I meant.」

         「Come on, just let it go. It’s not like we’ll ever get to walk home in our uniforms again.」

         There wouldn’t be another chance for us to wear our uniforms or to walk home together like this again.

         When I thought about it that way, I felt like maybe I could accept what she said, even if I didn’t really want to.

         「Sendai-san.」

         I stopped and looked at her. She stopped too. Even after the graduation ceremony, she looked exactly the same as always.

         「What is it?」

         In another fifteen or twenty minutes—or maybe a little more—I already knew what I was going to say to her. I’m sure Sendai-san knew, too.

         But she didn’t look sad.

         That made me feel irritated, seeing how unfazed she was, even now.

         It’s not like I wanted her to cry or look miserable. I just wished she seemed a little different.

         「Did you cry during the ceremony, Sendai-san?」

         「I didn’t.」

         She answered with a smile.

         I knew why thinking about the future made me feel so anxious.

         Even if we continued seeing each other like we did now, once we got to university, things wouldn’t stay the same. I was going to a different university than Sendai-san, and we’d be living separate lives. Even if we kept meeting up, it would only be every so often, and whatever I learned about her would come from those few chances.

         And no matter what I said or asked of her, she’d probably respond just like she was now—completely unfazed.

         I wondered what kind of expression she’d make if I told her I couldn’t forgive her for that.

         That I couldn’t forgive her if there was a version of Sendai-san I didn’t know.

         That was the one thing I took from the last memories we made, and I knew she wouldn’t like me for feeling that way. I also knew it wasn’t normal to think that way about someone.

         「Did you cry, Miyagi?」

         Sendai-san asked in a voice like nothing would be different tomorrow.

         「Of course not.」

         If I wanted the things I felt to actually happen, I’d have to lock her away somewhere. But that wasn’t realistic. It was impossible.

         So it was better to end things today, just like we said we would.

         「I see.」

         We walked home the same way we did after the movies.

         Only this time, we weren’t holding hands.

         「Do you want to take any detours?」

         Sendai-san pointed at a store across the street and asked with her usual expression.

         「No. I’m going straight home.」

         「Okay.」

         I started walking faster.

         Sendai-san kept walking beside me like it was the most natural thing in the world.

         She was ignoring what I said about staying behind me.

         Even though I wasn’t in the best mood, I walked the rest of the way home without adjusting my pace.


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8 responses to “[Part 117] After the Graduation Ceremony, With Sendai-san (I)”

  1. Thank you for the translation! Miyagi getting to the point of tears is not what i expected to happen.

    Also, I think you made a typo here

     There wouldn’t be another chance for us to wear our uniformsr to walk home together like this again.

    Liked by 7 people

  2. Thanks for grinding this out just in time for kyo’s graduation!

    “Even so, I found myself wondering—what if she was waiting for me outside?” Sendai, PLZ.”

    I couldn’t call out to her right now, but I wanted to.

             It doesn’t matter if anyone sees us.” MIYAG PLZ

    “There wasn’t anything today worth crying over.” Okay I can’t with this girl somedays.

    “You’re crying.” This poor woman is so far beyond helping. T_T

    “― The me that Sendai-san wanted me to be.” The you that is with her?

    “If that had been Sendai-san up there, I probably would’ve been able to see her clearly.” Sendai is totally Seitokaichoucoded, but I’m glad that didn’t happen. No violence in this one.

    “I know I told you to come over after the ceremony, but I never said anything about going home together, did I?” HECK you literally just hoped that she would…

    “「Did you cry during the ceremony, Sendai-san?」

             「I didn’t.」” Sendai plz salvage this.

    “If I wanted the things I felt to actually happen, I’d have to lock her away somewhere. But that wasn’t realistic. It was impossible.” Like, you could literally ask her right now and it is going to happen.

    Like

  3. I think this is the point where Miyagi basically thinks that if she could have properly fit into a position like “friend” or “lover” she could stay with Sendai, but sees herself as unable to change and thus staying with Sendai becomes impossible in her mind

    Liked by 2 people

  4. 「Come on, you’re overreacting. It’s not like we’re never going to see each other again.」

    Miyagi, you’re raising flags

    Like

  5. I was suspecting that Sendai-san was saving the money to split it between them at some point. But for some reason it still hit me like a truck and the flood gates were open. What an incredible chapter.

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