I’d been spending more time in our shared living space lately.

         To be more accurate, I was consciously choosing to spend more time with Sendai-san.

         That hadn’t changed even as we entered June.

         「Miyagi, what are you going to do once you’re done eating?」

         Sendai-san asked as she twirled her mentaiko¹ pasta around her fork.

         「I kind of want something to drink.」

         「I’ll brew us some black tea after, then.」

         Ever since that day, I’d found it hard to go back to Sendai-san’s room. She never asked me to come, either. Instead, she lingered in the living room after meals instead of returning to her own room, so if I wanted to be with her, I ended up spending more time here too.

         I twirled the last bit of my own pasta around my fork and took a bite.

         I didn’t want any sort of major changes to my life here.

         I wanted to continue living with Sendai-san, and I wanted us to stay as roommates.

         And if I wanted that wish to come true, I had to stop running away from her. Even if things felt awkward, being around her was the only way for things to return to how they used to be. Besides, staying away from Sendai-san made me just as uneasy as being with her, so in the end, I had no choice but to stay by her side.

         「I’ll wash our dishes.」

         I said as I stood up, noticing that Sendai-san’s plate was also empty.

         「Thanks. I’ll leave it to you, then.」

         I took both of our plates and utensils away and turned on the sink.

         I wished I could let the memories of what happened on Sunday wash away like the running water, but there was no way I could erase them from my mind so easily. The more I tried to forget that day, the more aware of it I became.

         The memories kept coming back to me—where Sendai-san had touched me, how she’d whispered to me.

         I could easily recall the sensation of her hands and lips, thanks to how many times she’d touched me and kissed me before in the past.

         I could tell that Sendai-san was also very conscious of what happened on Sunday, but I doubted she was as worried as I was. If I continued dwelling on it like this, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to live with Sendai-san as roommates for the next four years anymore.

         I really hope things can go back to normal soon.

         What happened on Sunday was already in the past.

         I put the clean dishes and utensils away one by one.

         The dishes were clean now, and so were the pots.

         After washing everything we’d used for dinner, I took a seat back in my chair.

         「I’m done washing the dishes, Sendai-san.」

         「Okay. I’ll start brewing the tea now.」

         Sendai-san said as she stood up.

         We didn’t always have black tea after our meals. Sometimes we had orange juice, and other times, barley tea. Yesterday, we even had ice cream together. Our dessert menu changed all the time.

         But what we drank or ate didn’t really matter.

         All that mattered was that we were sitting here together.

         「Sorry for the wait.」

         Sendai-san said as she placed a mug down in front of me.

         「Thanks.」

         As I took a sip of my tea, I glanced over at Sendai-san, who was sitting across from me.

         She had the same expression she did yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.

         She was also probably trying her best not to change anything.

         The only way to ease the awkwardness between us was to act like nothing had happened. So even though Sendai-san was probably trying to treat me the same way she usually did, I couldn’t help but feel a distance between us that was different from before, and it bothered me.

         Even though she used to try to get close to me without any reservations, she was holding back now.

         I stared at Sendai-san, wanting to know what she was thinking, but just like always, I had no idea.

         There was only so much I could tell just by looking at her.

         I knew that if there was something I wanted to know, then I needed to put it into words, but it felt too difficult to ask, so I had no choice but to just stare at her.

         Even though she acted the same as always, there was something unmistakably different about her.

         I couldn’t put that difference into words, and I wanted to know what it was. But if I were to ask about it, we’d end up having to talk about what happened on that day.

         「Sendai-san, when’s your birthday? You said it was sometime in August, right?」

         Instead of what I really wanted to know, I asked a question about something else I didn’t know.

         「Yeah, it is. Why are you asking all of a sudden?」

         「It’s almost August, so I was just wondering when your birthday was.」

         I’d been with Sendai-san for a long time now, and yet I had no idea when her birthday was. Even though it was nothing too important, I felt like if I got to know Sendai-san a little better, it might help me get closer to learning what I actually wanted to know.

         「It’s August 23rd. It’s basically at the end of August, so it’s not happening that soon. When’s yours, Miyagi?」

         「September 25th.」

         I’d refused to answer the same question before in the past, but today I decided to tell her honestly.

         If I didn’t have to answer Sendai-san’s questions in return, I would’ve rather asked about her family situation rather than her birthday, though.

         I remembered very clearly just how upset Sendai-san was when I asked about her home situation last summer vacation. It didn’t seem like she maintained much contact with them anymore. I had no intention of prying into her family situation, but I was still curious about it.

         The reason I didn’t want to ask Sendai-san about her family situation was because I wouldn’t be able to answer her questions if she were to ask me about the same thing. I could tell her my birthday, but I didn’t really want to talk about my family.

         「The 25th, huh? Would that make you a Virgo? Or a Libra?」

         「I’m a Libra.」

         「I see. I heard Libras are supposed to be sociable, though…」

         「What are you trying to say?」

         「Oh, nothing. I wonder what being “sociable” means.」

         Sendai-san chuckled.

         It was obvious she was trying to say she didn’t think I was sociable.

         Fortune-telling was just some arbitrary nonsense anyway.

         If everyone’s horoscopes were accurate, that would mean there were only twelve different kinds of personalities in the world.

         And with just four blood types, that would mean there were exactly four kinds of people.

         「So you’re the type to believe in fortunes, huh, Sendai-san?」

         「Well, only the good ones.」

         She smiled as she took a sip of her tea.

         Our conversation carried on until my mug was empty. After finishing a second cup, I placed it on the table and stood up.

         「I’m going back to my room.」

         As I turned my back to her, Sendai-san came over to my side.

         「Miyagi.」

         She spoke softly, taking my hand. Then, she pressed her lips to my fingers.

         Probably because I’d let her get away with it once, she’d been kissing my hand whenever I was about to leave for my room. Sometimes it was just a kiss, other times she’d lick my fingers or the back of my hand. I had never told her she could keep doing it, but I didn’t see any reason to stop her either. So I let her do as she pleased.

         This much was fine.

         She had done it plenty of times in the past, only back then it had been because I ordered her to. Now she was doing it of her own accord.

         A wet sensation spread across my knuckles.

         She wasn’t satisfied with just kissing my hand tonight.

         Her tongue, warmer than her lips, slid along my finger and up to my knuckles. The sensation, wet against my skin, dragged my memory back to what happened that Sunday.

         This is fine.

         I’m okay.

         She kissed the spaces between my knuckles, a soft sound escaping with each touch, then brought her tongue to my fingers again.

         My hand was growing hotter than her body temperature, so I reached out and tugged lightly at her bangs.

         「That’s enough.」

         At my words, she gave one last kiss to the back of my hand, then looked up at me.

         It was moments like these when I felt the distance between us most clearly.

         Though, I was the one who had run away and created that distance in the first place.

         But before I could close it myself, Sendai-san had come to bridge it first. So this time, I wanted to stay by her side, hoping I could erase the distance I’d made. Yet no matter what I did, it only felt like I was pushing us further apart.

         The Sendai-san I knew before would never be content with just kissing my hand and calling it a day. These days, she’d stop at random times, and that only made it all the more obvious that something had changed. If she wanted things to stay the same as before, then she needed to act exactly like before, too.

         But ever since we came back from Maika’s place, Sendai-san had been acting strangely indecisive.

         I turned my back to her and left for my room.

         Standing before the black cat plush on my bookshelf, I stared at my hand.

         Just because Sendai-san had touched it didn’t mean it had changed in any way.

         It was still just my hand.

         I pressed my lips against my own fingers.

         But it felt different from when she did it.

         I pulled a tissue from the crocodile tissue box, wiped my fingers clean, and lay down on my bed.

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1. Tarako and mentaiko are traditional Japanese ingredients made from pollock roe, which comes from Alaska pollock (a type of cod). Unlike tarako, which is usually just salted, mentaiko is seasoned and marinated with red chili peppers, giving it a spicy flavor.. ↩︎

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