I loved to put my hair up. That was because if I said that I couldn’t do it right, Onee-chan would touch my hair.

     Ever since I was little, I’ve relied on her so much. When I was lonely and couldn’t sleep, she’d sing me lullabies. When I was bored, she’d play with me. When I was hungry, she’d cook for me. We’d been with each other since I was born. She was my entire world.

     I used to cry because I got lonely when my parents wouldn’t come home. But at some point, I stopped caring about that and started to think that as long as Onee-chan was by my side, that was all I needed.

     No matter what else I did — whether it was playing with my friends or studying at school — I was so bored. The only time I enjoyed myself was when I was with her.

     However, those days didn’t last forever.

     「Mizuki. Kurumi. From now on, we’ll make sure to be back by evening.」

     「We’re very sorry for making you two so lonely up until now.」

     It took me a long time to properly process that string of sounds as the words that they were meant to be.

     All I understood was that it seemed like our parents would be coming home from now on. In other words, I’d have less alone time with Onee-chan.

     At that time, I had glanced over to see an awful look on her face.

     She looked full of despair, as if her entire world had been stolen from her. Our parents, who hadn’t spent much time with either of us, didn’t seem to notice. But I did. I noticed. Onee-chan had also cherished our days together more than anything else.

     That fact made me happy, but it was also painful.

     Just like that, our relationship had been torn apart. No matter how hard I tried to talk with her, no matter how much I tried to let her spoil me, it was no use. Perhaps because our parents were now around, Onee-chan no longer spoiled me like she did before.

     Then, one day, I suddenly recalled a promise that we had made when we were younger.

     「One day, I’m gonna be way bigger and cooler than you, and I’ll spoil you as much as you want!」

     「…I see. You’re so sweet, Mizuki.」

     「Right?! So, Onee-chan. When I become a reliable grown-up, I want you to rely on me and let me spoil you! And only me! Pinky promise!」

     「Mhm, it’s a promise.」        

     That’s right. She wanted someone to depend on, someone to spoil her.

     It wouldn’t make her happy if I continued to depend on her. And if so, I had to make her wish come true. I would become a cool grown-up, one more dependable than anyone else, and then I’d let her rely on me. Then, surely, she’d smile once again. She’d no longer look like she was in so much pain.

     From that day onwards, I changed. Or rather, I tried my best to change myself.

     I stopped tying my hair up to cut away my reliance on Onee-chan. I did my hair the same way as her to show that I was equal, that I was someone she could rely on. I ate a lot, slept a lot, grew a lot, and even started speaking to our parents with a smile, even though I didn’t really like them that much.

     I did everything that Onee-chan couldn’t and wouldn’t do. It was all so that she would see me as reliable, so that I could make her smile.

     「I can clean up today. Go hang out with your friends.」

     「…Okay. Thank you, Mizuki.」

     「It’s no problem.」

     Please. Smile. Rely on me. I’ve become so strong. Was that person you said you could rely on stronger than I was?

     …If so, then I needed to get even stronger. Much, much, much stronger.

     「Kurumi, you don’t need to spend your time helping me study anymore. Go do whatever you want.」

     「Huh? But…」

     「I said I’ll be fine.」

     I was strong. I’d become so strong.

     But still, she wouldn’t rely on me. Wouldn’t depend on me. Wouldn’t smile at me.

     What was I supposed to do? How strong did I need to become before she was willing to see me as someone she could rely on?

     It hurt so much to see her pained expression when she looked at our parents. For her to live such a difficult life, with nobody to rely on, stabbed at my heart. I had to hurry up and get as strong as I could, or else she would break down. I knew her better than anyone. I had to protect her.

     After all, I was the one that loved her the most.

     …Or so I thought.

     One day, I found a blonde hair on the dining table. It belonged to someone that I didn’t know. I crushed it in my hands and threw it in the trash.

     And then, I realized.

     That blonde had somehow managed to squeeze her way into Onee-chan’s heart without her having even realized it. Her expression had become brighter. Even though she still looked gloomy sometimes, I could tell that she was enjoying her days again.

     Something deep down whispered to me that all the hard work I’d put in over the past year had been for nothing.

     That in the end, I was just a kid — not the sort of person that she could rely on.

     I wanted to believe otherwise. But certainly, that was how it was.

     She didn’t see me anymore. She just looked at me, looked at my uniform, and made an expression filled with nostalgia. To her, I was nothing more than a memory long gone. The classes I was taking were the ones she took three years ago. What was a new uniform to me was something that brought her back in time.

     Before I knew it, I had become a thing of the past.

     No matter how hard I tried, she continued to drift further away from me.

     And I had no way to stop it.

     Was I not good enough? Even though we’d always been together? Even though we’d always loved each other? In the end, was she unable to rely on me because I was her younger sister and not anybody else?

     But then, if so…

     I… what reason did I have to live?

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