I’d planned for us to watch movies all night, but Sendai-san hadn’t even touched the tablet she brought. She’d taken a bath, changed, and come straight to my room, and now she was just sitting beside me, quietly drinking tea.

         「Weren’t we supposed to be watching movies together for our sleepover?」

         I asked Sendai-san, who was wearing a T-shirt instead of pajamas. She set her mug down and looked over at me.

         「I said we could watch some movies if you were planning to stay up all night.」

         「I am planning to stay up all night, so let’s watch something.」

         「You already went to see a movie with Utsunomiya earlier today, didn’t you? So let’s watch something later.」

         「No, I want to watch something first.」

         I reached for the tablet on the table, but Sendai-san grabbed it before I could touch it.

         「Let’s watch something once we run out of things to talk about. Didn’t I say the whole point of this sleepover was to talk about trivial things and get closer?」

         Smiling, she set the tablet on the bed she had been leaning against.

         「We don’t really have anything to talk about.」

         「Of course we do. Like, what do you want for breakfast tomorrow?」

         「Toast with butter and jam.」

         「Okay, then what about your favorite high school memories?」

         「I don’t have to answer that. This is my room, so I get to decide what I want to do.」

         I declared, and Sendai-san answered with a casual “I see.”

         But it was obvious she had no intention of respecting what I’d just said. She called my name in a cheerful voice.

         「Miyagi, let’s play rock paper scissors.」

         「Huh?」

         That came so far out of left field that I didn’t even know how to respond.

         「Okay, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors.」

         She said, and my hand moved on reflex. I threw out a fist. I glanced at her hand—she’d played paper. In the same cheerful tone, she said,

         「Looks like I win. We’re saving the movies for later, then.」

         It seemed the rock paper scissors match had been to decide what we’d do next, and since she won, Sendai-san immediately started talking about trivial things once again.

         「Are you not planning on working a part-time job, Miyagi?」

         「No.」

         If getting a job was the only way to avoid having to go back home to an empty apartment, I might have considered it—but that wasn’t the case. My father was doing everything he could so I wouldn’t have to work while I was in university.

         「Hey, remember how I said I was going to pick up a second job for winter break? Why don’t we work together?」

         「No. Do it by yourself.」

         I couldn’t accept the idea of Sendai-san working. I didn’t want her going to places I didn’t know, or talking to strangers I’d never met—but that didn’t mean I wanted to work with her either.

         「If you’re not going home for winter break, you’ve got plenty of time, don’t you?」

         「It doesn’t matter how much free time I have. I don’t want a part-time job.」

         「Why not?」

         「Because I’m not cut out for it.」

         If I worked somewhere with Sendai-san, who handled everything so effortlessly, people would inevitably compare us. I wasn’t like her—I couldn’t do things so effortlessly the way she did, and I wasn’t quick or efficient either. Working in the same place would only show her all my shortcomings. I didn’t need to impress her or anything, but there was no reason to go out of my way to show her how incompetent I was.

         Besides, I didn’t even know what kind of face I was supposed to make when I was with Sendai-san in front of other people.

         「You’ll have to get a job once we graduate from university anyway. Why not treat this as practice?」

         「Even if I do get a part-time job, I don’t want to work with you, Sendai-san.」

         「… Does that mean you’d work with Utsunomiya?」

         She spoke in a low voice.

         It seemed like Sendai-san really was in a bad mood today.

         「Maika has nothing to do with this.」

         「If you’re going to get a part-time job, then work with me.」

         「I don’t want to work with you. And besides, I already said I’m not planning on working at all during winter break.」

         To be honest, I wanted Sendai-san to stop working altogether.

         Instead of pushing me to get a job, it would’ve been easier if she just gave up on working over winter break herself. She should quit tutoring too, not pick up even more jobs, and just stay home doing nothing. But she clearly wasn’t planning on doing that.

         She let out a frustrated sigh and turned toward me.

         「I’ll say it one more time. Let’s work together during winter break. I’ll find us a job.」

         「Like I said, I’m not working anywhere with you, Sendai-san.」

         I didn’t want her looking for part-time jobs on my behalf, so I shut her down firmly. No matter how many times she asked, I had no intention of working with her.

         「No matter what?」

         「No matter what.」

         「… Miyagi.」

         She said my name quietly.

         When I didn’t answer, she put her hand on my shoulder.

         「Miyagi, I think you should consider my feelings a little more.」

         「… I bought you pudding, didn’t I?」

         「That’s not what I meant—I just feel hurt.」

         Sendai-san’s grip on my shoulder tightened. It felt like she was about to push me down, so I shoved her away and put a bit of space between us.

         「Why would you feel hurt?」

         「It’s fine if you don’t get it.」

         Sendai-san said, then kissed me like it was the most natural thing in the world.

         She pressed her lips firmly against mine and wrapped her arms around my neck.

         Her hand followed the line of my shoulder blade over my T-shirt, then began to move downward. When she tried to lift the hem of my shirt, I pushed her away, but she immediately kissed me again—deeper this time. When her tongue slipped between my lips, I bit down on it as if to drive it away, yet she still didn’t pull back. Her tongue kept trying to entwine with mine.

         Her hand moved back up my spine.

         While I was distracted by her tongue, which had become far too familiar to me, she unclasped my bra. I shoved Sendai-san away hard and forced the hand under my shirt back out.

         「That was not the right atmosphere for that.」

         Putting the kiss aside, it definitely wasn’t the kind of mood where she should’ve been taking my bra off—and it went against the promise she made, too.

         「Besides, didn’t you say you’d wait until I was ready?」

         That wasn’t even something I forced her to promise me.

         She’d brought it up on her own and had even sworn it on my earrings before coming to my room.

         「I wasn’t planning on doing anything like this when I first suggested the sleepover… You’re the one that’s at fault here, Miyagi.」

         「Even if that’s true, you made me a promise, so you should keep it.」

         「I’ll keep my promise. But if you tell me it’s okay to do this, then there’s no need for me to wait any longer, right?」

         Sendai-san acted like what she said made perfect sense and tried to put her hand under my clothes again, so I pushed her away.

         It felt like she was doing all this completely out of order.

         She should be asking me if it was okay before doing any of this.

         「Miyagi, if you don’t want this, then say so, and I’ll stop.」

         「I don’t want this.」

         「Why not?」

         「I already told you the reason before, didn’t I?」

         「Because you’ll get confused and lose all sense of what’s happening?」

         Even though I was the one who had said something like that, hearing it come out of Sendai-san’s mouth made me realize just how embarrassing it actually was. It was something I definitely shouldn’t have said, and it made me want to erase my past self entirely.

         「Miyagi.」

         Noticing my silence, Sendai-san brushed her hand against my cheek, so I answered quietly with, “Yes.”

         「It’s fine if you lose yourself today, isn’t it? Tomorrow’s still a day off, it’s okay to just let it happen today.」

         The hand on my cheek slid down to my neck.

         When her fingertips reached my collarbone, I grabbed her hand.

         「You said something like that the other day too, but I just don’t want this, Sendai-san.」

         I pulled her hand off my body and pushed it back toward her.

         「In that case, I’ll make sure to do it in a way you won’t lose your mind, then.」

         She whispered into my ear, then pressed her lips to my neck.

         She sucked lightly, her teeth grazing my skin. It didn’t hurt, but it tickled, and for a moment, all the strength left my body.

         Before I realized it, my back was against the floor.

         「Sendai-san!」

         I called her name sharply, and she sealed my lips with hers.

         She slipped her hand under my T-shirt.

         Her hand rested on my stomach, then slowly moved upward. My bra, already unhooked, was pushed aside without hesitation. I bit the lips against mine, and although Sendai-san pulled back for a moment, she still moved her hand to my chest.

         A breath caught in my throat.

         But Sendai-san didn’t go any further.

         The hand resting on my chest didn’t move.

         Right now, I could still keep my composure with just her warmth on me, but if she kept going—

         I grabbed her hand over my T-shirt.

         「I never said you could do this.」

         「Yeah, you said no, didn’t you?」

         「If you knew that already, then move your hand away.」

         「I want to respect your feelings, Miyagi—honestly, I think I’ve been doing that this whole time.」

         「… Well, you’re not respecting them right now.」

         「I still want to, though. So come up with a different reason—something stronger than just being afraid that you’ll lose your mind. Something that’ll actually stop me from doing anything further.」

         Sendai-san spoke like what she said made perfect sense, even though it didn’t.

         「Fine, but before I answer your question, you need to answer one of mine. Why do you want to do things like this so badly, Sendai-san?」

         I asked, and she stared right back at me.

         The hand I’d been holding down started to move lower, so I caught it and placed it on my stomach instead.

         「… Are you sure you want me to answer that?」

         Her voice sounded a lot less confident than before.

         She looked down, avoiding my eyes, hesitating.

         The air between us grew heavy.

         There was no reason for me to feel suffocated, but my chest tightened, and I couldn’t breathe properly. My heartbeat turned uneven, like raindrops tapping against a window.

         I didn’t know what she was trying to say, but I had the feeling it was something I shouldn’t ask.

         With her head still lowered, she gazed up at me.

         She opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off first.

         「You don’t have to answer that.」

         「Even though you were the one who asked?」

         「Yeah, but it’s okay if you don’t.」

         「Okay, then I won’t… but at least tell me why you don’t want this.」

         Sendai-san said and pulled her hand out from under my T-shirt.

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