Onee-chan seemed quite depressed. The fact that I was the reason she was making that face made my heart grow heavy. That wasn’t the look that I had wanted to give her.

     This wasn’t going well.

     For the past year, all I’d been doing was running around in circles. I should have become much, much stronger than I was before, but at the same time, the distance between her and I was only growing wider and wider.

     Without saying anything else, we finished up this awkward meal.

     We began to walk around the mall again. As we did so, a particular clothing store caught my eye. I knew that now wasn’t quite the right time to be browsing, but because I’d lately started getting into fashion, my eyes were drawn to it.

     「Wanna go take a look?」

     She had immediately noticed what I was thinking, leading me over by the hand.

     This sort of thing was able to properly get across to her, so why couldn’t my true feelings reach her at all?

     We went into the store and I tried on some clothes that had caught my eye. I usually wore things that were comfortable and easy to move in, but it wasn’t that I disliked girly outfits. It was just that these days, they didn’t suit my image.

     This reminded me of when Onee-chan used to put me in all sorts of clothes, like I was a dress-up doll.

     I quietly giggled.

     「What do you think, Onee-chan?」

     「Cute. It suits you.」

     「Ahaha, I see. Well, since we’re at it, wanna try something on too?」

     「Huh? I’m fi…」

     「No saying “I’m fine”. You’ve been dressing cuter recently, so let’s pick out a whole bunch.」

     「Okay, but…」

     I’d always believed this, but she was pretty weak under pressure. That’s why it was probably the case that Sorahashi Sera had been pushing her around.

     Sorahashi Sera was not the kind of person that Onee-chan would take the initiative for. It was almost certain that Sorahashi was the one that had made a pass at her first. Her inability to leave someone alone when they were depending on her was both her strength and her weakness.

     She had always prioritized other’s needs over her own, putting herself last.

     I changed back into my own clothes and began picking some out for Onee-chan. Up until now, I’d been worried that other people would start to realize how cute she was, but now I knew that there was no point in thinking that way. And so, I decided to put all my effort into choosing some cute clothes that would look good on her.

     「I-isn’t this too cute fo…」

     She said after changing into the clothes I’d picked out. I shook my head.

     「No, not at all. You’re the cutest girl in the world, Onee-chan, so you’d look even better than I would in those.」

     「You’re flattering me. You’re much cuter than I am, Mizuki.」

     「What? There’s no way. Onee-chan, you’re totally the cuter one!」

     「No, Mizuki, you’re…」

     「No, Onee-chan, you’re…」

     We started laughing together as we argued about this silly thing.

     This was what I had always wanted — peaceful, comforting alone time with her. But I was sure that the reason why she was able to smile again wasn’t because of me. It had been thanks to Sorahashi Sera. In the end, I hadn’t been the one to save her.

     Even when I got stronger, she still wouldn’t let herself rely on me.

     And surely, it was because I was her little sister.

     For just one instant, I wished that we weren’t related by blood. But it was the memories I had of Onee-chan that had made me into the person I was today. If we hadn’t been related by blood, I likely wouldn’t have been able to make so many memories with Nabana Kurumi.

     These were memories that I was able to make precisely because I was her little sister. And at the same time, there were lines I was unable to cross because I was her little sister. For better or worse, we were family. She was the older sister and I was the younger, and because of that, there were certain territories we could never step into.

     What if I could give away all my memories to become a stranger that was the same age as her?

     Would I be willing to do that?

     「Mizuki, you’ve grown up.」

     Onee-chan suddenly said.

     「I mean, I guess. I was over 160cm when I took my height back in spring.」

     「I see. But it’s not just your height… It just kinda feels like you’ve become more grown up.」

     「You mean on the inside?」

     「Yeah.」

     Certainly, I was a lot stronger than I was a year ago. That’s because I had continued to do my very best with a single goal in mind: to have Onee-chan rely on me.

     If those feelings could make their way to her too, I’d be so happy.

     Even if she couldn’t be mine and mine alone.

     「You’ve changed too, Onee-chan. You’re a lot more expressive than you used to be.」

     「I guess so.」

     「Mhm. You used to just smile all the time, but now I can see both when you’re sad and when you’re happy. Oh, but you should be careful not to be so expressionless in front of Mom and Dad. It’s still okay for now, but eventually they’ll catch on to the fact that you don’t like them.」

     「It’s not that I don’t like them.」

     「You’re lying again. You don’t need to hide it from me, you know. I’m the same way. If they hadn’t come back, I could have been alone with you forever and ever, Onee-chan. I kinda resent them for that. …But that’s our little secret, okay?」

     Of course, we wouldn’t be able to live our lives without our parents, but at the same time, it was true that I wanted to keep being alone with her. Maybe Onee-chan couldn’t laugh in front of them because she felt the same as me.

     She quietly looked into my eyes.

     「…I-I’m the same. I feel like that too, Mizuki.」

     Her voice was hoarse. I smiled.

     「Right? God. If our parents hadn’t started coming home earlier, we’d still be all lovey-dovey, Onee-chan.」

     「Mizuki, you’re trying to get along with them for my sake… is that right?」

     「Pretty much. I thought that if you saw me smiling, you’d smile too. Well, I also thought that if I showed you how well I got along with them, you’d start relying on me… I had ulterior motives like that, too.」

     「I’m sorry for forgetting our promise.」

     「No. I never properly told you that I wanted you to rely on me more, so it’s my fault. Anyway, Onee-chan, try on this next outfit. I want to see you looking even cuter.」

     I had a big smile on my face.

     This smile wasn’t because I was enjoying myself. Maybe it was because I’d been smiling with my parents — parents that I didn’t even like — for a whole year, but I was now able to put on a broad smile even when I wasn’t having fun.

     I wasn’t sure how Onee-chan interpreted it, but she closed the curtains to the fitting room.

     This entire time, there had been an unpleasant feeling swirling around in the pit of my stomach.

     Don’t look at Sorahashi Sera. Look at me. Look only at me. I wanted to burn up all of Onee-chan’s shoes so that she could never leave the house. I didn’t mind losing the rest of my family and all of my friends — as long as she was mine.

     Yes, that’s how I truly felt. But…

     I knew very well that my wish wouldn’t come true. So I decided to stop putting on a strong front, stop showing my desires, and just be her cute little sister. That was surely what she wanted from me as well.

     After trying on everything, she bought all the clothes that I’d picked out for her. I wondered if she’d be able to pay for all of it, but it was probably the case that she had been saving up most of the allowance that she’d received so far.

     「Here, gimme the bag.」

     「Huh? But…」

     「It’s fine. I’ve been working out, so I’m stronger than you.」

     「Then, thank you. I’ll leave it to you.」

     「Mhm, I got it.」

     It felt like this was the first time she’d ever relied on me. I took the paper bag from her. It was heavy because of all the clothes inside, but now, even its weight made me feel quite comfortable.

     When I was trying so hard to get her to rely on me, she didn’t. But as soon as I stopped trying, she started being able to. That was so strange. I guess life rarely ever went the way you wanted it to.

     We continued browsing around, and once we started to get tired, we entered a cafe. I got cocoa like I always did, and she ordered herbal tea. Seeing that reminded me of that time I went to Sorahashi Sera’s house.

     「Onee-chan, do you like herbal tea now?」

     「Yeah. I’ve had a lot at Sorahashi-san’s place.」

     「Hmm. So Sorahashi-san’s an herbal enthusiast.」

     「It’s because she’s sensitive to caffeine.」

     「I see.」

    I didn’t enjoy learning more about Sorahashi Sera, but it was refreshing to see Onee-chan speak with so much enthusiasm. Thinking about it now, she’d never told me about her friends before. She probably never had time to hang out with them because of how she was always with me.

     I was so happy to have her by my side. But it was also true that in return, I’d stolen away part of her life.

     Maybe it was time for me to set her free. I knew I should, but…

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