I saw two bowls in front of me. 

            Both had been taken out of the refrigerator by Sendai-san and were filled with kneaded ground meat. I didn’t know why she had divided them into two, but looking at them, I could only think of one thing. 

            「Are we making Hamburg steaks?」 

            「Nope.」 

            She answered casually. 

            「Then what are we making?」 

            「Gyoza. I made the filling while you were out. One’s shiso¹, and the other’s cheese.」 

            Sendai-san set the bowls on the table and looked at me. 

            「Gyoza? You really went through all that trouble to make these?」 

            「Yep. All that’s left is wrapping them and pan-frying them.」 

            「You could’ve just bought them ready-made.」 

            「I wanted ones without garlic.」 

            「You probably could’ve found some if you looked hard enough.」 

            「That’s true. But isn’t it more fun to make them together?」 

            「… Let me put my bag away first.」 

            I didn’t remember agreeing to help with dinner. Still, she was already speaking as if it were settled, so I went back to my room to drop off my coat and bag. 

            When I returned to the shared living space, I washed my hands and stood beside Sendai-san. She placed a bowl in front of me as though it were the most natural thing in the world. 

            「You can do the shiso ones.」 

            She handed me a spoon while I stared intently at the filling. 

            Sendai-san always liked making things from scratch, and she always pulled me into it. We’d made karaage and cookies before, along with other things you could easily buy at the store without the extra effort. I was the type who would just buy them and be done with it. 

            It was the same with gyoza. 

            To me, gyoza meant the frozen or chilled kind — the ones that already came shaped, not something I had to mix and wrap myself. 

            It felt like such a hassle. 

            I didn’t understand why Sendai-san insisted on making everything from scratch. 

            And yet, whatever she made always tasted good. Even if I thought it was troublesome, I always ended up helping her anyway. 

            「… But I’ve never made gyoza before. I don’t even know how to wrap them.」 

            Besides the bowls on the table, there was a small dish of water and a stack of gyoza wrappers. I picked one up and looked at Sendai-san. 

            「Okay, start by putting a spoonful of filling in the center.」 

            「Like this?」 

            I did as she said and placed a spoonful in the middle. 

            「Yep, just like that. Then dampen the edges, pinch the right corner, and fold it over in little ridges as you seal it. Easy, right?」 

            Sendai-san said, demonstrating it for me, but I still didn’t quite get it. I understood that I had to fold small ridges along the edge, but my fingers wouldn’t move the way hers did. 

            Even so, I had to try. I closed the wrapper and started folding. 

            「… It ripped.」 

            I wasn’t sure why. 

            I had managed to wrap it around the filling, but the skin tore apart and the filling spilled out. 

            「Hmm. Maybe try putting in a little less filling.」 

            Following her advice, I reduced the amount and folded it again. The result was a misshapen gyoza. It didn’t look nearly as neat as the ones Sendai-san made. 

            It was probably the little ridges that were ruining it. 

            I grabbed another wrapper, placed a spoonful of filling in the center, and folded it into a square before holding it up. 

            「That looks more like a square crepe than gyoza. Why don’t you try folding it with fewer ridges?」 

            「It doesn’t matter if it has ridges or not, does it? It’ll taste the same in the end.」 

            I made another square-shaped one and set it on the plate. 

            「… You’re pretty clumsy, aren’t you, Miyagi?」 

            「No, I’m not.」 

            「It’s fine. You can shape them however you want. Torn, crooked, square — it doesn’t matter, they’re all cute.」 

            She giggled as she looked at the ones I’d made. 

            That irritated me. 

            I stomped on her foot, then remembered there was something I needed to ask. 

            This wasn’t the time to get absorbed in making gyoza. 

            There was something I had to talk to her about. 

            After folding another awkward, creased gyoza, I took a slow breath. Then I picked up a wrapper, placed the filling in the center, and began folding from the right. 

            Keeping my voice steady, I asked, 

            「Christmas is coming up soon. Are you doing anything?」 

            Sendai-san’s hands paused. 

            「By Christmas, do you mean the 25th?」 

            「No. The 24th.」 

            「That’s Christmas Eve, you know.」 

            「Whatever, it’s the same thing. Just answer the question.」 

            I spoke a little faster than usual, making it sound like I’d just asked something important. Asking about someone’s Christmas plans wasn’t a big deal, yet for some reason I couldn’t look at Sendai-san. I kept sealing the gyoza, struggling to make them look decent. 

            「Nope. I don’t have any plans that day.」  

            Sendai-san answered quietly, and I let out a small sigh.  

            I set my oddly shaped gyoza on the plate and said everything I’d been holding back in one go.  

            「Maika said she wanted the three of us to do something together.」  

            「… Utsunomiya did?」  

            Her voice sounded slightly stiffer than usual.  

            「Yeah.」  

            「What did you tell her?」  

            「That I was free.」  

            「So you’re going to be hanging out with Utsunomiya on the 24th?」  

            「Yeah.」  

            The feelings I had tried to bury deep inside me were threatening to surface again. I was never good at handling them. They pulled at me, directing everything toward Sendai-san.  

            I didn’t want her to see Maika.  

            For a brief moment, I thought about leaving visible marks on her and keeping her trapped inside this apartment. I knew it was wrong to think that way the instant the thought surfaced, and I wanted to crush it — along with the dark, smoldering emotion behind it.  

            「What do you want me to do, Miyagi?」  

            She asked, and I couldn’t answer.  

            I didn’t want Sendai-san to meet Maika. But I couldn’t break the promise I’d made to Maika either.  

            What do I do?  

            I could only choose one answer.  

            And whichever one I picked would probably make me hate myself, so I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.  

            「Let’s hang out with Utsunomiya together on Christmas Eve.」  

            Sendai-san said in a voice that wasn’t as stiff as before, though it wasn’t gentle either, as she picked up another wrapper.  

            She placed the filling in the center and quickly formed the ridges, sealing it shut. In seconds, the gyoza was finished and set on the plate. But the wrapper had split slightly, and the filling showed through.  

            「Miyagi.」  

            She said my name quietly.  

            「What?」  

            「Let’s spend Christmas together. Just the two of us.」  

            「You mean the 25th?」  

            「Yeah.」 

            「… Sendai-san, don’t you have plans with your friends that day?」  

            「I won’t go.」  

            「So you do have plans then?」  

            Did she, or did she not?  

            I’d asked a yes or no question. Saying “I won’t go” didn’t exactly answer it.  

            「I just won’t go.」  

            She repeated without hesitation, as if there was nothing strange about that answer at all. 

            「So what are we doing on Christmas, then?」  

            「Let’s have cake together.」  

            Sendai-san said softly.  

            「We’re probably eating cake on the 24th, though.」  

            「That doesn’t mean we can’t have it on the 25th too, right?」  

            「Is eating cake all we’re going to be doing?」  

            「I wouldn’t mind eating cake all day if that’s what you want.」  

            「What do you mean “all day”?」  

            「Well, if we’re spending the 25th together, that means we’ll be together from morning until night, right?」  

            「There’s not that much we can do from morning to night, is there?」  

            「There is. For example, we could go grocery shopping in the morning and cook dinner together at night. Just like today.」 

            I wasn’t really a fan of cooking.

            I didn’t think I was suited for it.

            As long as it was enough to satisfy my hunger, instant or frozen food was enough for me. That was how I’d always felt.

            But even if I was clumsy and nowhere near as good as Sendai-san, and even if it was a hassle, making gyoza together like this made me think that maybe cooking together on Christmas wouldn’t be so bad.

            「What are we going to make?」

            「Whatever you feel like eating, Miyagi.」

            「There’s nothing in particular I want.」

            「Think it over. And if there’s something else you’d rather do together, that’s fine too. It doesn’t have to be cooking. So let’s spend the 25th together. Just the two of us.」

            「… Okay.」

            I’d never thought of Christmas as anything special. But I didn’t like the idea of Sendai-san going out and leaving me alone that day either. I wanted her for the whole day. If she had plans with someone else, I wanted to take her away from them.

            I didn’t want to be alone at home, whether it was a special day or not.

            I wanted the 24th to belong to me too. But I had to let that go. Maika was my friend, and Sendai-san’s as well. She wasn’t going to take her from me. So I forced down the part of me that didn’t want them to meet and buried those dark feelings deep inside my chest, sealing them shut.

            「Then it’s a promise.」

            Sendai-san leaned close and pressed her lips against my earring before whispering into my ear,

            「And as for the other promise… I’ll wait until Christmas before I do anything.」

            「The other promise?」

            She didn’t reply.

            But I knew what she meant.

            Even so, I couldn’t help but press her for an answer.

            「Answer the question, Sendai-san.」

            「Maybe when your gyoza stop looking like they’re about to fall apart.」

            She said, so I wrapped another one, but it turned out just as awkward, and she laughed.

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1. Shiso is a supposedly a type of mint or basil that is widely used in East Asian cuisine. You can read more about it here! ↩︎

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