“… Show me how you do it by yourself.”

         If I had continued giving Sendai-san instructions, I felt like she would’ve actually gone through with it. But if she had, I wasn’t sure how I would’ve handled it.

         Besides, it wasn’t as though I’d actually wanted to see her do it.

         What I really wanted was for her to resist, to struggle with an order that made her uncomfortable. So when she had readily agreed to it, I was at a loss for what to do.

         「Miyagi.」

         Sendai-san called my name softly, still clutching the penguin plush to her chest.

         I’d already used up my right to give her orders, and there was no reason for me to stay in her room any longer. It was about time I went back to my own room. If I stayed here any longer, I felt like I’d end up saying something I shouldn’t, and Sendai-san would definitely want to talk about it.

         And yet, even knowing that, I couldn’t bring myself to move.

         The penguin plush began waving its arms around.

         More accurately, Sendai-san was the one flapping its arms—or rather, its wings—back and forth.

         「You really don’t want to do anything anymore?」

         「No.」

         I replied, and right as I did, the penguin plush came flying toward me. I barely managed to catch it in time.

         「Hey, that could’ve been dangerous.」

         I grumbled as I set the penguin down beside the platypus, but Sendai-san didn’t respond. Instead, she quietly climbed down from the bed and sat beside me. Without asking, she placed her hand over mine and brought her face close as if it were the most natural thing in the world, so I pushed her away.

         「Sendai-san, no.」

         「Come on, just one kiss should be fine, right?」

         「No, it’s not fine. You’re definitely going to try something weird.」

         I pulled my hand away from hers and glared at her.

         「You’re the one who gave me a weird order in the first place.」

         「Even if it was weird, I told you that you didn’t have to do it anymore and to just forget about it, didn’t I?」

         「Well, you can’t blame me when you say things that sound like you’re coming on to me.」

         「I wasn’t trying to come onto you. I was just giving you an order.」

         「That might be how you see it, but I see it differently.」

         Sendai-san seemed to respond to my complaints by reaching out and gently tracing my lips with her fingertip. It was almost as if she were checking whether or not I’d been using the new lip balm she’d bought me, so I sank my teeth into her finger.

         「Ouch! That hurts.」

         「You were doing something weird, so I made sure it hurt.」

         I let go of the finger I’d been biting and gave Sendai-san a light smack with the penguin plush.

         「You can be so cruel, you know. You keep leaving hickeys on me, giving me all sorts of weird orders, and then just stopping halfway through and leaving me hanging. You really should take responsibility once in a while.」

         「What do you mean, “take responsibility”?」

         「Let’s start by making a new promise.」

         Sendai-san whispered in my ear.

         Her breath tickled, and I clenched my hands into fists.

         I knew exactly what she meant.

         And just like that, my thoughts drifted back to Christmas.

         We’d gone out together and eaten together, and I’d even won her a penguin plush from a claw machine.

         After that, I’d kept the promise I’d made to her.

         The memory was hazy, almost dreamlike. Sendai-san had been so close to me, and it had felt so good. It wasn’t something I wanted to forget, but I knew I shouldn’t dwell on it, so I’d deliberately buried it deep in my mind.

         No, this isn’t right.

         Making promises like this with each other over and over again… It’s just not right.

         「… No.」

         I answered quietly. As though she’d already prepared her response, Sendai-san immediately replied,

         「Okay, then we don’t have to make one. But at least answer me this: Do you ever dream about me when you’re sleeping in that bed of yours, the one we shared that night? And when you’re alone, do you ever take care of yourself? Or ever feel like doing it?」

         「This is all wrong. I’m the one who’s supposed to give you orders, not the other way around.」

         「But you said it yourself, didn’t you? That I’d done enough, and that I should just forget about it?」

         「Even so, that doesn’t give you the right to ask me questions like this.」

         「So, should I take your refusal to answer as an admission, then?」

         Sendai-san was saying things she normally wouldn’t.

         This wasn’t what I’d wanted to see from her. Sendai-san’s rationality was beginning to fall apart.

         「No, I don’t do anything like that, and I don’t feel the urge to, either. I’m not like you, Sendai-san. Now back off. I’m going back to my room.」

         I decided to make my escape while I still could, before the last of her rationality crumbled completely. But before I could even get to my feet, she grabbed my arm.

         「How about you take a page out of my book, then? Try it once you get back to your room, and tell me how it went tomorrow morning.」

         「You’re such a pervert, Sendai-san.」

         「What’s wrong with that? I want to hear all about it.」

         「Well, why don’t you tell me something, then? Is that what you’re going to do after I go back to my room?」

         「… Do you really want to know?」

         Something about her voice felt off, though I couldn’t quite say what.

         But the unusual seriousness in her tone told me I was about to cross a line I shouldn’t, so I quickly pulled my hand away from Sendai-san’s.

         「Can you give me some space? This isn’t what I wanted to talk about with you.」

         「Then what did you want to talk about?」

         She didn’t sound particularly gentle, but she didn’t sound angry, either. Her voice was flat and distant, and it stung a little.

         「… Go sit over there, Sendai-san.」

         I said, pointing to the other side of the table.

         「Why? If you have something to say, you can just say it right here, can’t you?」

         It didn’t look like she was going to move, so I had no choice but to be the one to go instead.

         「Then I’ll sit over there.」

         I picked up the platypus tissue box and carried it to the other side of the table, where I sat down. Then I gathered the three cat-shaped chopstick rests from the edge of the table and lined them up in front of Sendai-san.

         「I want you to give me a serious answer. Which one of these is your favorite?」

         A white cat, an orange tabby, and a bicolor cat sat in front of us, all three staring intently at Sendai-san.

         「Which one’s your favorite, Miyagi?」

         As she asked the very question I’d expected her to, Sendai-san picked up the penguin plush that had been sitting on the floor.

         「The black cat.」

         I answered, even though I knew perfectly well that it wasn’t one of the options in front of us.

         「Isn’t that cheating? Well, if we’re allowed to pick anything, then I’d say the calico cat.」

         「So you really do love Cali, huh?」

         「Do you not like her, Miyagi?」

         「She’s okay.」

         I didn’t have any particular feelings about calico cats in general, and to me, she was just the cat Sendai-san liked.

         「So, what’s this little game about?」

         「It’s not a game, and there’s something else I want to ask you… Did you hate the order I gave you earlier?」

         「I don’t hate any of the orders you give me, Miyagi.」

         「Not even one like that?」

         「Not even one like that.」

         Sendai-san was so strange sometimes. There was something a little off about her, too.

         But I’d been watching her closely for a long time now, and the life I’d come to share with her had become something I couldn’t bear to lose. And now, I even found myself wanting to see the sides of her that she rarely showed anyone.

         I knew there was more to Sendai-san than what I’d seen so far. I wanted to fill in the blanks, piece together all the parts of her I had yet to discover, and see the whole picture of the Sendai-san who belonged only to me. Even if she grew stranger and stranger from here on out, even if her rationality continued to crumble, I still wanted to see the sides of her she kept hidden.

         I gave the little platypus’s hand a squeeze.

         「Sendai-san.」

         「What’s up?」

         「… The shoebill we saw at the zoo was really, really cute. It was a little cold that day, but I’m glad we went.」

         「What made you bring that up all of a sudden?」

         「I promised I’d tell you about the things I enjoyed, didn’t I? And I’m trying to keep our other promise, too, about talking to each other about even the most trivial things. So if there’s anything you don’t like, or anything you hate, I want you to tell me about those things, too.」

         I managed to get everything I wanted to say out, then let go of the platypus’s hand.

         「So, basically, you want me to speak up whenever you order me to do something I really don’t want to do?」

         「It’s not just about orders. If there’s anything you don’t like, or anything that bothers you when we’re together, I want you to tell me. And I want to know what you like, too. You’re not allowed to keep saying you like the same things I do.」

         「What’s this all about? What are you trying to get out of this?」

         Sendai-san asked suspiciously as she placed the bicolor cat chopstick rest on top of the orange tabby one.

         「I just want to know more about you, Sendai-san.」

         「Why are you suddenly so interested in me?」

         As she asked, she placed the white cat chopstick rest on top of the bicolor one, trying to build some kind of tower. It didn’t last long before the whole thing came tumbling down. She tried stacking them again, but when that failed, she gave up and lined them back up on the table.

         Then she looked at me, as if waiting for an answer.

         「… Because I’m interested in you.」

         I mumbled the words.

         「Huh?」

         She stared at me in disbelief for a moment before asking,

         「… Miyagi, do you have a fever or something?」

         「No, I’m not sick. What, am I not allowed to be interested in you? We live together, so isn’t it only natural that I’d want to know what you like and dislike? So next time I ask you about it, I want you to give me a serious answer.」

         There was no response.

         The room fell silent. It was so quiet that I felt like I could hear the air itself moving. Sendai-san said nothing, her gaze fixed on the little cat-shaped chopstick rests.

         I pulled two tissues from the platypus tissue box, crumpled them into balls, and tossed them across the table. They bounced off Sendai-san’s head with a soft thud before falling to the floor.

         「… I’ll do my best to satisfy you.」

         Sendai-san mumbled, as though the tissues had snapped her out of her daze.

         「Hey, what kind of answer is that?」

         「I mean, there’s really nothing I dislike whenever I’m with you, Miyagi. And I’m not lying when I say I like the same things you do.」

         「Well, still, try to think of something.」

         「That’s kind of a tall order… Oh, wait. I guess there is something I don’t like.」

         「What is it?」

         「I don’t like it when you tell me to back off.」

         「Why?」

         「Because I think it’s more fun when we’re close to each other.」

         「You’re always so quick to tell lies, Sendai-san.」

         「I’m not lying. So, can I come a little closer?」

         She asked softly, but before I could answer, Sendai-san came over to my side on her own. She sat down right next to me and kissed my earring.

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Earlier this year, I didn’t expect to stay somewhere for almost half a year where I couldn’t regularly pump out chapters, so I apologize for that. Before anyone gets any ideas though, I’m fine. I just ended up staying on a trip much longer than originally planned. Anyway, since coming back, I’ve gotten diagnosed with ADHD and after a few months, I finally started getting medicated for it, and things have been better on the motivation front.

I’ll continue chipping away at the remaining chapter debt, and I don’t think I’ll ever open it again, but I’ll do my best to chase after Haneda Usa’s web novel releases regardless, LOL. That being said, I’m still pretty poor, and my meds don’t come cheap (free healthcare in Canada, but not meds), so if you’re willing to throw a few dollars my way and also light a fire under my ass, you can support me by clicking here (this takes you to my Ko-Fi). I will also continue to be open to commissions.

Thank you all for reading!

Chapter debt: 71

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