I’d always wanted Miyagi to take an interest in me.

         So hearing her say that she was finally interested in me should’ve made my heart soar, but instead, it left me with an uneasy feeling I couldn’t shake.

         And I knew exactly why.

         What I liked. What I disliked.

         Miyagi had asked me to think about those things, and they’d been weighing on my mind ever since. Exams were finally over, and spring break was starting tomorrow, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d asked. No matter how much I thought about it, though, I still couldn’t come up with a single answer to give her.

         I trudged along the road home, letting out a sigh as I looked around.

         There was a calico cat I often saw around this time on my way home from university, and just as I expected, I soon heard its high-pitched meow.

         「Come here, Cali.」

         I called out to the calico cat, using the nickname I’d given her. She walked over to me and flopped onto her side. I crouched beside the dimly lit sidewalk and stroked her fur. She seemed to be quite used to people now.

         One thing I liked was petting Cali.

         I wished that answer would be enough to satisfy Miyagi, but I knew it wouldn’t.

         But Cali really is just so adorable.

         Unlike Miyagi, Cali was friendly and affectionate. Maybe it was because we’d crossed paths so many times by now, but she never ran away no matter how much I petted her, and she never bit me, either. Even on cold days like today, she’d still come out to see me.

         I sighed as I ran my hand along Cali’s back.

         If Miyagi was asking about one particular thing I loved, rather than my likes in general, then there was something I loved even more than petting Cali.

         I thought about how Miyagi had given me the cat chopstick rests for my birthday, and a black cat pencil case for Christmas. Then, I thought back to the smile she had on her face when she saw the penguins at the aquarium. How determined she’d been to see the shoebill at the zoo. How she always acted so distant with me, and how she kept asking me questions I couldn’t possibly answer.

         All those things together made up the Miyagi I loved.

         She’d asked me to be honest about what I truly liked, so there probably wasn’t anything wrong with telling her about the one thing I loved, even if that “thing” happened to be a person.

         But even if I told her, I knew she wouldn’t believe me. And I doubted it was the kind of answer she’d be happy with, either. My whole world revolved around Miyagi, and even though I couldn’t think of any other answer, I still felt compelled to search for one that would satisfy her.

         It was proving to be too difficult, though.

         Now that Miyagi had finally started taking an interest in me, I wanted to figure out what I liked and disliked for myself, too. And since she’d told me I couldn’t keep saying I liked the same things she did, coming up with answers that had anything to do with her wasn’t going to help me.

         What should I do, then?

         I gently rubbed the calico cat’s throat, feeling her purr rumble beneath my fingers, then got to my feet.

         「See you later, Cali.」

         I gave Cali a little wave. The friendly cat meowed softly in response, then rubbed her head against my leg.

         ‘Oh, you’re so cute!’ I thought to myself.

         Since Miyagi was having dinner with Utsunomiya today, there was no need for me to hurry home. I wanted to stay and pet Cali a little longer, but I decided against it, knowing I might catch a cold if I stayed out too long. After giving her head one last stroke, I continued on my way home.

         After climbing the stairs to the third floor, I reached our apartment. With no one else home, I went straight to my room and opened a magazine, but I couldn’t concentrate on reading.

         It was still a little early, but I decided to keep dinner simple and made myself a bowl of tori soboro don¹. After eating, I returned to my room, sat on my bed, and stared at the cat-shaped chopstick rests on my table.

         Miyagi, who was quite catlike herself, always gave me cat-themed gifts under the assumption that I liked them. But there was something I loved even more than cats, and Miyagi didn’t seem to realize it. There had been plenty of times when she should’ve noticed, though.

         It almost felt like Miyagi was deliberately choosing not to notice, and I hadn’t exactly come out and told her, either. I’d never told her I loved her, and I probably never would. I didn’t want to, really. But at the same time, there were moments when I felt an overwhelming urge to just say it.

         If only the right moment would come along.

         I sometimes found myself wishing for that, but I knew perfectly well that if I kept waiting for the right moment, it would never come. Besides, I didn’t want things between us to change, so whenever a moment felt right, I’d let it pass me by.

         I let out a heavy sigh and collapsed onto my bed.

         There was no way I could tell her I loved her.

         Once I said those words, there’d be no taking them back.

         Words were invisible, but they stayed with the people who heard them. There was no way to erase them or cover them up. If I told Miyagi I loved her, those words would stay with her, and we could never go back to how things were before.

         And besides…

         As Miyagi was now, those words would never get through to her. Anything I said weighed less to her than a single feather off a shoebill’s head, so there was no way she’d believe me. Even so, I knew those same words were heavy enough to change Miyagi — who was always insisting that we were just roommates — in some way. That was why I couldn’t bring myself to say them out loud.

         But to get back to Miyagi’s question…

         Just as there were things I liked, there were things I didn’t like, too. Being hated by the person I loved was one of them, but I couldn’t tell her that. It wasn’t the kind of answer she was looking for, anyway. She hadn’t even taken me seriously when I’d told her I didn’t like being told to back off, so there was no way she’d believe me if I told her this, either.

         Miyagi’s words felt like a curse, haunting me as I struggled to come up with an answer that just didn’t exist.

         If I’d known things would turn out this way, I should’ve just done as she asked and shown her how I did it on my own, instead of pushing my luck by asking her to do it with me.

         I pulled Pengy, who had been resting by my pillow, against my chest.

         I would never want anyone to see how I took care of my own needs, but honestly, I would’ve been better off just showing Miyagi how I did it. Instead, now I was stuck with the impossible task of figuring out what I liked and disliked.

         I rolled Pengy off the bed and onto the floor, then squeezed my eyes shut.

         Miyagi still wasn’t home.

         I hadn’t been lying when I’d told her I didn’t mind whatever orders she gave me.

         I gently ran my fingers along the nape of my neck, then traced my collarbone before letting my hand wander over my body through my clothes.

         I thought back to the look on Miyagi’s face when she’d ordered me to take care of my own needs. Then I remembered the sound of her raspy voice as I’d touched her on my bed, along with the warmth of her body.

         I lifted the hem of my shirt and, just as I’d touched Miyagi, ran my hand along my side, tracing the curve of my waist up to my ribcage. A quiet breath escaped my lips.

         But I knew that no matter how many times I did this on my own, it would never truly satisfy me. If anything, it only made my desire to touch Miyagi and have her touch me grow even stronger.

         I opened my eyes and pulled my hand out from under my shirt without satisfying my needs.

         「Miyagi, you idiot.」

         I muttered, venting my frustration, as the pent-up feelings simmering inside me slowly began to settle. My gaze fell on the platypus tissue box on the floor, the one Miyagi seemed so fond of and often held by the hand. Right as I looked into the eyes on the tissue box cover, my phone buzzed with a notification. I couldn’t tell if it’d come at a good time or a bad one, but either way, I sat up.

         I got out of bed, retrieved my phone from my bag, and checked the screen. The message wasn’t from Miyagi, but from Mio.

         『Are you free tomorrow? Let’s hang out!』

         She hadn’t mentioned anything about this when we’d seen each other in class earlier today.

         I sat down next to my bed, leaned my back against it, and sent her my usual reply.

         『Sorry, I’m busy. I can’t.』

         『At least hear what I’m inviting you to before you give me an answer.』

         『The fact that you didn’t tell me what it was upfront means you probably already knew it was something I’d say no to, right?』

         『Sharp as ever, huh, Hazuki? Anyway, I was trying to invite you to a dinner party. Are you sure you can’t come?』

         『Nope.』

         I replied curtly, but she called me right after.

         「Then can I at least come over to your place sometime during spring break?」

         I had barely answered the phone before she started asking me for something else entirely.

         「Hold on, what happened to what we were just talking about?」

         「Just forget about that. Unless you’d rather go to a mixer?」

         「No.」

         「Then let’s hang out at your place, Hazuki! Last time I asked to come over, you said no because your room was too messy, but now that it’s spring break, you have plenty of time to clean it up, right?」

         「Even if I get my room cleaned up, I’ll still be just as busy, you know.」

         「Oh, come on! There’s no way you’re busy every single day, right? Just let me come over! Or, you know, we could always go to that mixer instead?」

         I didn’t like either of those options.

         That was what I wanted to tell her, but the truth was, spring break was a fairly long vacation, and I didn’t have that much going on to claim I was busy all the time. I knew no one would believe an excuse like that.

         「Okay, we can hang out. But can’t we go somewhere else?」

         If I had to choose between the two options Mio had given me, I’d rather spend time alone with her. But I wanted to avoid having her come over. Miyagi wouldn’t like it, and I didn’t want the two of them to see each other again, either.

         「Fine, but only if you bring Shiori-chan with you.」

         「Huh? Why?」

         「Well, because I want to see her!」

         Mio replied excitedly.

         「I don’t know, Miyagi seems like she’s going to be pretty busy, too…」

         I doubted she was actually that busy, but I decided to pretend she was.

         「She’s gotta have at least one day when she’s free, right?」

         「Maybe, but Miyagi’s kind of shy and a total homebody, you know?」

         「Oh, really? Then maybe we should just hang out at your place after all. Besides, I don’t mind shy people.」

         「You might not mind, but I think Miyagi would.」

         「Ah, it’ll be fine! I’m sure she’ll get used to me if we hang out enough times.」

         There was no getting through to her.

         Mio wasn’t the type to back down easily.

         If I had a proper reason for not letting her come over, she’d probably listen. But right now, I didn’t have a good enough excuse to turn her down. Refusing her outright without giving a reason would only strain our relationship. Or worse, she might start coming up with all sorts of reasons why I was trying to keep her away from Miyagi.

         「… Okay, fine. I’ll ask Miyagi about her schedule, but don’t get your hopes up.」

         「Okay! I’ll be waiting for the good news!」

         Mio replied cheerfully, her happy voice echoing in my ear.

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1. “Soboro donburi, also known as soboro don, is a classic Japanese dish of seasoned ground chicken served over a bed of rice. This style of dish where various combinations of food are served over rice, typically in a deep bowl, is known as donburi cuisine. Often, the term donburi is shortened to don and used interchangeably.
   
   In Japanese, the term soboro, not only refers to cooked ground chicken, but also any type of protein (meat, beef, fish, or egg) that is cooked into fine or crumbled pieces.”
   
   The above explanation was taken straight from The Spruce Eats. You can find the article and their recipe here.
   
   Tori soboro don is specifically made with seasoned and cooked ground chicken. ↩︎

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I’ll continue chipping away at the remaining chapter debt, and I don’t think I’ll ever open it again, but I’ll do my best to chase after Haneda Usa’s web novel releases regardless. That being said, I’m a broke chud, and my living expenses are becoming harder to handle, so if you’re willing to throw a few dollars my way and also light a fire under my ass, you can support me by clicking here (this takes you to my Ko-Fi). I will also continue to be open to commissions.

Thank you all for reading!

Chapter debt: 70

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